angela .... otherwise known as the other other half

latley i have just felt like there is so much to blog (or journal in my case) about and no time to do it in!

this is angela johnson! she is my bestest friend next to nate so the other other half. not many days have passed us by in the last 10 years that we have not at least talked on the phone, our hubs are pretty use to us always calling each other! this is true sisterhood! we share almost everything! we have been through almost everything (it seems like.) we have had babies with and without each other. we have cried, full on wept, and laughed out loud countless times. we can finish each others sentences and pretty sure we can predict just how the other will respond to something. more importantly we are courage, strength, faith, happiness, and unconditional love!

her birthday was last week and it got me thinking to paying tribute. falling into the footsteps of another friend (sara - who both ang and i know coincidentaly from two very different things) i decided to tell her what i wish we could do for her b-day.

pretty sure the day would not involve no children or husbands for either of us in this stage of life. ok maybe husbands at the very end of the day! it would start off with sleeping in (oh yeah and by the way this is no 24 hour day time stands still for us) of course, next onto some sort of easy to do work out that burns unbelievable calories for how simple it is. then onto a nice hot shower followed by designer clothing that we have always wanted and haircuts and styles by dan the man. then off to the mac counter, where else, for the best faces our faces have ever seen! we would be transformed and we would be leaving the counter with anything we dont already have which isnt much. then a quick copter ride to the grand america for the brunch buffet that on this one day as 0 calories and all the flavor. then to the copter again for a quick flight over to where else but one of ang's fav places .... disney land. we would ride splash mountain over and over i am sure among other things and we would laugh and giggle and play! then to the most amazing spa in the world for the most amazing pedicure in the world (ang doesnt do pedicures but i do and i think she needs too so there you go.) still in LA we would stop in to be contestants on some reality TV game that ang would be way good at and she would win millions of dollars that she would pay off saylor's bills with for life because i already know thats what she would do with it. she would be a star though with loads of money coming in for endorsments. then home i guess to the chef's table for dinner where we suddenly be in formal gowns with dressed up husbands who for no reason other than they love us are romantic. we couldnt go home with going to a movie with ang the movie buff ... not sure what it would be but for sure nate & i would never have even heard of it but it would be good. as unrealistic as this is i could go on and on but i wont, that will just be for this years day out because ang is one year older.

i love you girl! thanks a million times over for an eternal friendship!

happy 5th b-day saylor jae

How do i even begin paying tribute to this VERY sacred & very tattered angel in my life? i am not even sure where to begin. saylor turned 5 at 3 something this morning. its hard to believe we have made it through 5 years. we dont live for the future with her, we live in the now, and now she is 5!


saylor has wanted a pig for months and months. a few of you thought for sure without a doubt nate and i would give in and get her one, probably because you know there isnt much we wouldnt do for her! so this is what she got. i dont make cake, for those that know me i dont really even cook and i am a store bought b-day cake mom. so this was my first shot, not so bad? it was dang good tasting! made from scratch! yahoooo! she also got many other pig things ... but no real live breathing pig!




love this last pic of my mom ... its a good one!

10 of the hundreds of reason i love this child

1. her big blue full of spirit eyes
2. the darling things she says like ... "mom i want a real pig, one that breaths!"
3. for her courageous spirit that speaks loudly there is nothing i cant do! its just in her!
4. for still cuddling with me even though she's not much of a baby anymore, she is still willing to be my baby!
5. her patience is incredible!
6. for being a constant reminder of whats important in life
7. for loving all that she meets unconditionally, seeing past what i can see
8. for eminating her magic - she has oodles of it
9. for sharing a love for san fran with me. home in many ways!
10. and of course for sharing scars with me, a lifetime in a few moments!

this book was given to us by a good friend before i had saylor and it sums up many of our journeys that we have been on for the last 5 years, it sums up where we are headed this year. and is a simple must read lesson on life for everyone that we want to share ...



want to share what you love about saylor? please do! we will save it for her journal!
we also want to thank everyone who is a part of our lives, we cant do this alone!

struggle ... spirituality or insanity

does anyone else feel this way? Arrogancy aside ... i consider myself to be a pretty spiritually in tune person but sometimes i just struggle with inspiration or insanity? whats wrong with some of the thoughts i have in my head sometimes? things that dont seem possible and dont make sense? i pray, i fast, i meditate .... and still i am utterfly confused. so yes i know confusion is of the devil but ..... oh urghhhhhhhhhhh so confused. any thoughts and help?

spring break hiatus in palm springs cali

upon arrival to beautiful palm springs i discovered my dad's midlife crisis car ... he introduced her to me as my inheritance .... for now lets just call her mercedes. my dad was not stingy what so ever with her and both nate and i and the kids spent some time in this beut.

it was really nice to go on hiatus. i was really good and did not do even a stitch of work nor did i answer my phone or get online the whole time .... a true vacation. it was really really hot and we all have a tan. whenever we go to cali we always get needed grocery shopping in at trader joes and do some traditional things. cali is so my second home i love it there!



one of the things saylor remembers from a few years back is the children's museum in rancho mirage. they have a mini pretend grocery store equiped with what other than .... mini carts! all she wanted to do the whole time was push around this just her size cart that easily takes the place of her walker. i am actually thinking about looking into one for her b-day and for real i think i will let her take it to the store with me!



we also went to the zoo in search of pigs to feed saylors appetite ... we didnt find anything more than african warthogs hello pumba! but we did find goats to pet and for a while there saylor had changed her mind but now she is back to wanting a pig. i loved this setting of the giraffs .... a mom, dad, and baby. picturesque!

so i am the worst mom in the world ... what did storie and stock do you would ask ... where are the pics of them? i am so terrible about this i admit. saylor does get most of our attention and most of everything. i am working on this!
storie and stock just swam and played tennis, watched tv drove us nuts, went to the horton movie ... constant energy and happiness

i have been reflecting a lot on the fact that saylor is turning 5 in a few weeks and as she gets older it becomes more obvious and apparant how different she is than her peers. it hurts! bad! more than i thought it would. its very physical! i just also am holding onto that at any given moment she could be taken back home to God .... especially this year with surgeries that are much more serious than what we have been doing, not that any surgery is not serious! i know i pretend to just sail through it with her but i still feel those things i dont talk about.

what did nate do? no pics of that either ... he golfed a lot and for a long time and he got really burnt!

now to what i did well i had my nose in this 1000 page tiny print book most of the weekend ....

still not done but getting close .... it was a slow start for me but now i am LOVING it! and i really need the escape as of right now!

i also drove over to tamarisk a few times. this is where my dream homes all reside. homes that are so me that i would love to own or build. this time i took a few pics. if i thought for one second that i could build this in utah and it would resale and not stick out like a sore thumb .... I WOULD!




along with all the good there is always opposition ... to be honest i am struggling with many things that are really bringing me down! first off i missed my brothers ordination into the melchezidek priesthood (yes i know that is spelled wrong among other words!) i am so proud of you joey! then after much hard work to loose some weight and hardly any cheating on vacation and even working out while i was there i still gained like 4lbs .... my body really sucks! nate was his usual sport aholic self and i want to send him to some sort of AA ..... kids where tough on the drive and driving that far is just tough! lol! house almost sold to the most perfect family in the whole world to buy our house but in the end it didnt. bummer. sis in law heather came into town to surprise me and found me gone .... and oh yeah coming back to reality ... taxes due tomorrow and now the kids are on spring break and home driving me CRAZY! lots of work to come home to as well! oh and we lost our set of keys to the 4runner and our mail key ... and and and and and anyway thats the jist!

to be tagged or not to be ... that is the question?

ok so the whole tagging thing ... i like to read it cause it lets me get to know my friends and family well. when and if i get tagged i hardly comply, and i cant say that i am even being tagged now .. but my friend kim posted a marriage tag & tagged anyone reading it & married ... is that me? is anyone really even interested anyway? well i guess i will give it a shot ...

marriage tag

what is his name? nate of course!
how long have you been married? 10 years may 27th
how long did we date? do i have to say? only a few weeks before engagement and about 5 months until wedding day.
how old is he? 31 - he will be 32 in october
who eats more? really do we need to even ask this? HIM
who said i love you first? he did
who is taller? well we both are rather short but i am only 5'2 so not too hard to beat
who sings better? this is a toss up! we both have no talent in this area!
who is smarter? hmmmm ME! i know this cause when he spells ANYTHING he needs me! but he knows many many things i dont and when it comes to construction or gospel he is the king!
whose temper is worse? usually him but i can get there when provoked
who does dishes? me
who does laundry? me
who sleeps on the right side of the bed? depends if your facing the bed the right side? me. if your in it the right side ... nate
who cooks dinner? mostly nate ... i hate to cook
who drives when we are together? him if he has anything to say about it
who is more stubborn? him
who is the first to admit their wrong? i am going with kim on this one ... i am never wrong!
whose parents do we see most? mine
who has more friends? well this is a tough one .... most of our friends we share, all his high school friends for the most part he is way close to, and as it turns out their wifes are some of my closest friends ... but i think overall he used to know more people and now i think its about even
who has more siblings? i do ... 3 step sisters, 2 step brothers, 1 brother and a few other step step siblings (my sibs step sibs)
who wears the pants? me i think
who do i tag ... well i guess i am going tag people that i want to know more about ... which is pretty much everyone that i have a link to on my blog!

chill

saylor has just always been very chill ... yesterday when i caught her sitting in her usual position in the car and realized i had a camera i thought i want to capture that .... saylor chillin.

interesting morning

so not too long ago i took the bed rails kid roll off the bed blocker thingy's off saylor's bed to take pics of her room for listing the house. didnt think those royal blue crib like things were the best selling point. when i was doing it she was watching and asked if we could leave them off and she could be a big girl so i reluctantly said yes. she is for sure old enough but the kid flops and rolls around all night worse than any other kid i have had or know. i think its because her body starts to hurt and she gets uncomfortable, she has never known anything but pain i wonder how she sleeps at all! anyhow about a month has passed and though the first week i barely slept because of the fear that filled me that my precious and fragile already broken angel would fall off her bed she has been fine .... until now. this morning at about 5:30 i heard a thump .... a mothers ears! anyhow i knew instantly almost before it even happened that she had fallen out of bed. i raced into her room and found my angel profusely bleeding from her nose i snatched her up and started screaming for nate. this was not just a simple bloody nose it was BAD! i was panicked that she may have broked her nose and blood was everywhere and pooling into her eyes from me carrying her laying down. it took us a while to get her cleaned up and the blood stopped. my heart is still racing hours later. her nose and lip are pretty swollen but nate is sure its not broken. i feel a little broken myself. she was very brave and strong, calm and always full of high pain tolerance. needless to say (especially for those who know me) she will be back in my bed for a while ... i cant risk my own sleep worrying about her and for sure the bedrails are going back up!

so what does this have to do with kite runner .... well my adrenaline was so intense i knew i wouldnt go back to sleep at 6:30 in the morning so i finished off a movie i started yesterday and have wanted to see for a while. you guessed it "kite runner." i read the book a few months back and found it to be devastating and depressing but real. so i was intrigued by the movie which follows the book pretty closely. so pretty much i have been crying all morning. this movie is about so many things in life that are so real and so intense, forgiveness for both others and yourself, courage, strength, principal, and culture. its a hard to watch film that is really really well done and affects deep and forever.