HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

There is sooo much i am grateful for, i have been contemplating all morning how i could possibly do a blog post on gratitude. how to condense? such a predicament. so i will share just a few things that seem most forfront in my mind.

these above turkey gumballs (from the peppermint place in alpine utah) represent a tradition that almost did not stay in tact yesterday, but thanks to one of those rare friends that is so thoroughly true in every way it did not. Amy i am grateful for you today! i am grateful for your friendship, love, and support. i am grateful for many new and so valued friends i have met through this last year. i have been so blessed with genuine friends in my life and i am so grateful for amazing relationships that meed so many of my emotional and physical needs!

i thought today would be a pretty downtrodden day of most likely vommiting. let me explain saylor has had a bad case of stomach flu, or stomach something rather. i have just been waiting for someone else to start, sure that yet another holiday would be filled with sickness for our family. yet this morning we all had an incredible nights sleep (something else i am extremly grateful for) and no one else is vommiting. saylor is well on the mend from that at least.

i have been thinking a lot about the will of God for us each individually, and our capability of accepting it. this is something that i have thought about quiet often throughout my life, especially the last 5 years. i have had to submit myself to that will more times then i can count. and that being said i cant say that i have completly submitted myself, i wonder if complete submission is possible, its such a deep deep thing. yesterday we finally started getting some real answers about why stocktons voice has been missing for nearly 2 months now. this has been so hard for me, partly because stock is supposed to be my healthy child, the one medically i dont have to worry about. then i realized that i dont determine what he is supposed to be, at all! his vocal cords are severly damaged from untreated reflux. had no idea the kid even had reflux, he never complains and his pain threshold is high.the ENT we say yesterday was nice and kind and even let me look in the scope to see for myself what damage had been done. we need to get to the root of this problem to solve it so stock will be doing a GI/swallow study next week. in the meantime he is on prilosec and likely will remain on it for the rest of his life. wether his vocal cords can heal enough to restore his normal voice seems to be a long term endeavor with no guarantees. yesterday i was angry, that we have just been poured upon by trials as of late. this morning i am focusing on the blessings that also come and at that 3 fold! but also on that wether stocktons voice comes back is not up to me, its not in my hands the least bit. what can i do? worry about what i could have done or why i didnt know or how bad of a mom i am? nodda what i can do is have faith that God will do what is right for stockton, that his plan makes more sense then mine!

so today i am just grateful that my children are here, in my arms. that for a moment for just today things can be normal. that we have the blessing of cherishing life from a hollands perspective. i wouldnt leave here for a minute and i am eternally grateful to be doing this with my eternal companion who loves me despite my many flaws!

this song sort of sums up what i am most grateful for ... its lyrics are magically touching and so true. and just wrap me up in how much power there is in the plan!

i need some black magic 4 black friday

people do this every year on black friday morning. every year they line up a little earlier too! i have yet to do this, in fact i really have yet to shop on this blessed black day. for the last four years i have wanted too though, not sure why? could be the influence of my wacky sis in law! love you heather! so the first year i wanted to i was sick with walking pneumonia, the next year strep, the next year we were out of town etc... so i do kind of want to do it this year, but mostly because there are a few key items i would like to get the kiddos that i am hoping to get a deal on. but really is the deal worth the headache? the early hours, the crowds, the risk? speaking of the risk ... holy macoroni i am going mad wondering when and how i should buy these few key items, when will i get the best deal? how do you make that call? we are keeping christmas simple and small this year with a few key items each kid and thats it. but it seems more difficult to accomplish then ever before ... whats up with that? so we need an ipod, and a ds or gameboy so if anyone has inside info or outside, either way please share .... any secrets to managing black friday? hints etc... please do share!

2morrow morning stock finally will see an ENT. i am looking forward to hopefully getting some answers about his missing voice. we are going on 7 weeks now about. how can that be normal? it surely is not and i want some answers!

first holiday craft installment

ok here it is kiddos. i have to say that what ever your expectations have been please low low lower them. i am struggling right now, i realize that my life right now is much harder then i am aknowledging. as my usually golden fingers have turned to something of less desirable nature i have been frustrated and confused, that is until i made some serious realizations about how so much of whats going on extends and sort of dampers the creativity. so i have simplified, what i will be offering you in way of holiday crafts will be easy and simple, childlike and fun, and far less in quantity then i originally planned.


my edition of a simple candle holiday craft .... and the inspiration edition a much better edition

if you want to do this fun activity pick up a few holiday candles, i love how it looks with red but i wonder how green would turn out so if anyone does it that way be sure to send me a pic! then a few vases clear or even better just candle glass (what i used) and some sort of platter, plate, box etc... for display. you will need a glue pen and some fine dust glitter. i actually used the same sand/glitter mix i used at halloween for the carribean style bones. just simply draw on the vase a winter scene, the more detailed the more difficult. and sprinkle that fairy dust. simple as that. the sand at the base cake platter style is nice and looks a little snowlike, especially if you were to go out and get a bag of really really white sand, i used natural colored. candles lend to a warm inviting ambience and are so splendid at this time of year. dont be afraid to burn them, like me!

and by way of the fam ...
Stock the rock took first in the mapleton wrestling tourn this morning. this one was a little harder to come by. he still rocked it dont get me wrong. first two matches he kicked trash and kicked it fast both finished with pins in the first round. third match was tough the kid was a little taller then stock and a pretty good wrestler. they went three rounds, no pins but the other kid won by points only, and only by 2. stock was so upset. but you know he really worked it, he is so much better then last year, something clicked. in the end there was a 3 way tie for his bracket for first place, so the rule book states that first goes to the wrestler with the most pins. the other two boys only had one pin each so stock took first and then whichever boy had most points out of the remaining 2 took second. so it settled him down a bit taking first on a technicality. anyhow i am so proud of him and how he is excelling at this sport! i believe in having something your good at, and what that does for you inside, and at working hard to be good at it, and being proud of yourself! i believe that for a kid its vital to keep them out of trouble as well. no boredom when there is focus and goals.


storie played violin in her first concert this last week. i am so glad she is a bit more musically capable then me. she is really enjoying it, and so am i. i watched this first chair girl really rock on the violin and just hoped and prayed that my girls someday will be that good. it was a really fun and entertaining concert and my fav song was "on my own" from les mis. we or maybe i should just say i, because really thats who makes the decisions around here right ... have decided to add private lessons on top of school orchestra for storie and we are starting private lessons for saylor as well. thanks to a spectaculer friend who actually has made that affordable by loaning us her tiny violin for a time for saylor. they start monday and saylor will join the school orchestra in january as well. today they played a little together and i LOVED LOVED LOVED what it did for both of them.

storie has been having struggles with her bladder and is long overdue for tests. i guess i have avoided this to some degree, unable to handle more then what we carry medically. but i see now that we need to address some continueing issues. she will go in for tests and to see the doc that did her surgery a few years back on dec 16th.

saylor has a lot going on right now we are struggling a bit academically with her and keeping her up with her peers and interested in learning. there are some things that she is just brilliant with, others we struggle. i guess its getting around the obstacles. this brings up heartaches socially that i had hoped to not endure, but then again she is just that a public example, a social exception, sometime heartache but with that comes inspiration. she is and has always meant to be shared. she too is due for her 3 month post op check on dec 16th so they go together, same uro doc. we expect to continue waiting out a healing period until its time to do a sling. she also is not doing well with gross motor right now and her therapist will be stepping into class and pulling her out, compounding one problem to fix another, to get her back to where she was preop and then maybe we could work on new goals. she is already begging to go skiing. but she is not even near as strong as she was last year and we could only get 2 bunny runs out of her then. i am not sure we could make it down the hill this year. so perhaps at the end of the season, for now she will have to enjoy her horse & violin.

i am getting a long in school. no doubt its HARD! but i insist staying focused on the goal one step at a time. still working and running studio stems as well. looking forward to snow and wondering how to scrounge up the money to board this year and also realizing i do need some things for christmas, like a few skirts for church or maybe a backpack ... and some makeup would be nice, but then i dont get ready anyhow. i am writing papers these days and need some good editors to help me through the process, so if any of you dig that kind of thing and are willing let me know asap! nate is watching the BYU VS utah game at boogies house, the outcome most certainly will affect his mood the rest of the weekend. he has been busy helping coach stocktons wrestling team and run the tournaments.

twilight spoiler!

so its done, its out! I dare say that me and my 6 other almost 30 or 30 something friends attended the midnight showing of twilight this morning. i have to admit i felt really out of place amongst thousands of twilight freaks and 12-15 year olds, none the less this was a first and probably last for me. I had fun, dont get me wrong, i had a blast! was it the fun i anticipated ... no it was better! i havent laughed that long & hard in a movie since napoleon dynamite, but wait napoleon was supposed to be funny! this movie is a humongeous barrel of laughter thanks to the nearly spoof like special effects, makeup, and acting! what a huge disappointment! the lost opportunity on hollywoods part just kills me, yet makes me smile, i love it! what a great laugh! is it worth seeing? not unless its a the dollar movie or your in a napoleon kind of mood! i guess maybe if your 10 and under you would buy all the fakeness this not well done film exudes. poor poor stephenie meyer, girl you should never have sold those movie rights! my friends and i could have helped you film a better version!

CHAMP

So this is our family CHAMP! So many of you know, stock is a wrestler. He is part of the rocky mountain wrestling group. So i realized when we got into this a little over a year ago how intense it is and just how much pressure is on these boys and how tough they have to be. last season was a roller coaster to say the least. today was one of the first tournaments of the season at AF. Stockton rocked it! something must have clicked in his head cause now he is the athlete i expected nate to create with his DNA! needless to say he took first place in his bracket! he beat out a few kids that are known to be pretty good wrestlers. i am so excited, more excited then him and so proud!


so i have a phone dilema. my phone is toast. it has water damage and i cant get it to work effeciently. meaning it works but it turns off whenever it feels like it and it incline's itself with this action about 50-70 times a day. so i am not in a great financial place to purchase a new phone. i am not elligable for an upgrade which means at tmobile i would pay full price. i am considering buying a used refurb one but am nervous and dont know anyone with any experience or knowledge about that. i also am considering buying a prepaid tmobile phone and switching out the sim card (a great friend who used to be employed by tmobile told me this secret). either way it looks like i am looking at least at $100 any other magic tricks in your hats? does anyone have a used tmobile phone they arent using, that works, that they want to sell to me for CHEAP? so here is the phone i am dreaming of, dont have to have it, probably wont get it anyhow but just so i can dream.

yes the tree is up

so i have added the christmas music to the blog, or rather created a christmas only play list, some of you are going ..... ALREADY? yep, already. and the tree and all decor that i am doing here at our house is up. though my usual set up can be extravagant in nature its a little simplified this year.

why do i do this you ask? well for sure i want to enjoy the holidays, i want the work done and over so i can enjoy it. and enjoy it for more then 25 days! or less! even enjoy thanksgiving and the weekend holiday without the work of decor! not to mention that i do trees for a clients! and if i didnt do mine until after theirs then i woudnt do mine, i would be burnt out! big time! the other reason is i just love the holidays, i am an addict, a junkie! now i can concentrate on the few projects i am preparing to do and blog about them for all you stalkers!

just FYI - i am planning on going private soon. not sure when and i will do a post but this is just a prelim warning so if you want to start sending emails now then thats fine!

art as i see it

this is a scene from one of my fav movies, mirror mask. it is the very essence of an artsy film. love love love this scene and version of this song!

do you want or no?

its already all around us, swiftly sneeking in. i dont mind at all. you know me i start holiday decor pretty earlier for my most fav times of year and as soon as hallow finishes up my music and candles come out as i warm up to the season, i love it so much that i want it to last as long as possible so i start early rather then hope for a enduring feeling afterwards. i love that this time of year cuts me down to my roots and what i believe and it sort of encourages me to wear that a little bolder on sleeve. not to say that i am not a more emotional person then most, i am.


this will no doubtly be one of my most fav all time xmas albums and perhaps the fav of the 08 season. its sooooo good. i have been listening almost non stop for 3 days. its very comforting and warm with a good mix of some traditional stuff done the sara way and also some very very sara stuff. i love it so much, its soo me.

Saylor is home sick, she went from fine to respiratory distress in like 0-60 seconds in the middle of the night. she is barking and struggling to breath. back on the breathing treatments and praying that we can avoid our yearly tradition of respiratory hospitalizations. this cd is getting me through.

so i have a question for you stock the holland blog stalkers ... how many of you enjoyed the halloween decor series and want it for christmas? do you really care? do you want it or not? need to know! now!

be ok

I just wanna be okay, be okay, be okay
I just wanna be okay today
I just wanna be okay, be okay, be okay
I just wanna be okay today
I just wanna feel today, feel today, feel today
I just wanna feel something today
I just wanna feel today, feel today, feel today
I just wanna feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just wanna know today, know today, know today
I just wanna know something today
I just wanna know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be okay

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me, please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just wanna be okay, be okay, be okay
I just wanna be okay today
I just wanna be okay, be okay, be okay
I just wanna be okay today
I just wanna feel today, feel today, feel today
I just wanna feel something today
I just wanna know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be okay
Know that maybe I will be okay
Know that maybe I will be okay

this song by ingrid michaelson is so just how i feel right now

VOTE

"within genetic limitations, each being is a product of his/her culture and has unique creative and mental powers. It is with these powers that he/she can change his/her behavior and ultimately his/her society."
Sr Laurence J peter