today is the day

so almost memorial day to labor day to do this project or at least get it livable. i 97% done and today we move!!!!

maybe thats what i see & feel

i think i see light at the end. and i am contemplating wether or not to run to it with nate. could it really be real? so i think it might be. the house is getting close, dangerously close to us living in it. there is only a few odds and ends to do, lots of touch up painting and finshing touches as well as sealing and cleaning things up but we are ever so close. it feels realistic these days. not to say that more work is not to come ... it is we still have the exterior and the office/workroom to conquer but phase one is almost complete. i need some fresh air!


on another note ... school started last week! it still doesnt feel right, doesnt it seem to early? and my kids only go till 1:30 everyday the rest of august. so i feel like they are all in kindergarten. home to soon! stock and storie are adjusting well and have made some good new friends. they like their teachers and seem to be settling in just fine. they are such strong kids with amazing spirits. saylor also seems to be doing well and is her usual resilent self. its a little harder for her to adjust but a new school and especially that school requires a lot from her. the staff that surounds her education experience ie* principal, special ed, physical therapy, her teacher, school nurse, school aids, well just about everyone seem really overwhelmed by her! i feel like i am talking them through it on a daily basis. but if thats what has to be done ... then so be it. ill do it! things are going better then they were the first few days and i think we will all get there as a team to maximize her experience.

ps before you all ask or at least some of you ... saylor had her first bike crash the day before school. thus the nasty owy on her face! i am just glad she is having bike crashes .... like a normal kid!

house update. tile ... regrets

ok so i didnt want to make y'all wait another two weeker to get an update so here it is ...

house: i have spent the last well hmmm 11 days on my hands and knees at that place. i am not even sure what it looks like beyond the floor anymore. it took us saturday to saturday to lay 800 sq feet of 18 inch onyx tiles on a very uneven floor that now is mostly even. thanks to my brother and dad clair for helping out, couldnt have made it without them. then there was kev & merv.... who laid 7 tiles and broke 2 in the same amount of time that i laid 25 by myself hmmmmm. but then barrett showed up and redeemed nates friends. i spent half the day saturday grouting and all day and night tonight. but its done. now it just has to be sealed. and after all this i cant help but wonder ..... why didnt i just do hardwood? now onto more tile in the showers and countertops and then we are pretty close to the fine tuning of things and a move. yet still the endless days of hard labor and being pulled in 100 directions has me hanging my only a thread.

co: i am recovering from my trauma slowly but surely and coming to see that i did indeed survive and i will indeed and my co will indeed be ok. still not talking about it.

kids: well they start skool in a few days. lots of last min preparations with saylors needs at the skool. why does it have to be done so chaoticly? i tried to take care of this months ago. stupid skool district. i am trying to evade my feelings and emotions regarding them all going to a new skool with no friends but obviously saylors extensive needs have me in near cracking mode. i know we will get through but i also no what an emotional disaster i will soon be in.

so thats the jist for now as far as my brain can tell. more to come ... if i survive.

goals

Its been far to long. I have neglected you my blog and my readers with unkept promises of house updates. well the time has come that i am finally going to post house updates among other things. but first i must explain that my life is very literally upside down. i am struggling to juggle everything and maintain sanity through what seems to be a continued and endless pursuit of unfortunate events. This year has brought some heavy challenges to our family. and i keep thinking things are bound to turn around that the light must be there at the end of the tunnel even if i cant see it. but reality has beset me to realize that the tunnel was much further then i anticipated in the begining and along every step. i see now that i must find love and happiness in the tunnel. gratitude for the tunnel and set a lofty goal to go beyond my natural pessimistic nature and be positive about the experiences i am in. i cant say i will do this gracefully. but i will try. until the light brings more ease and rest. but for now shoulder to the wheel and a simplification of my life in every area possible so that the areas that require my energy can have it. this means many of the things i want to do (ie hang with friends, blog, read, leisure time etc... ) will need to wayside while a thrash the jungle.

without further adoooooo ....

ill start with the laundry room. its my favorite room in the house. interesting i know. lots of custom shelving and cabinets. painstaking undertaking. there is a locker for each member of the family. an ironing station with built in ironing table and shelves. a washer and dryer station with more specific shelving and the two large very profound red sliding slab doors hide a custom pantry. i heart this room. floor is not in yet nor is appliances or lighting and all those fine tune details but at least its pretty and not dreary.


my next favorite thing is my custom designed front door. when nate installed it we really struggled to not abort interior work and finish the exterior cause the door is just to pretty for the current condition of the exterior. how shallow we are. anyhow i heart it also. this is a view from the kitchen of the kitchen/dining area and entryway as of right now. still much to do ... much to do.


nate spent from 6am to 9pm this last saturday laying tile. i spent 10am to 9pm assisting him. what a daunting task this is we have undertaken. and we even kind of know what we are doing! this picture hardly does the tile justice. its a travertine onyx and its gorgeous dawling.




a few more pics. one of the brady bunch brick with built in oven. new color. monks cloth. so holy. and freshly painted cabinets in sugar dust as well as all the trim/finish work. girls room is yellow = laughter. master is a slightly darker blue then the blue that graces the main living area that is calming and just simply lovely and the bathrooms are another blue/green ocean light color.

we still have much to do ... like i said. finish the floors and all finish electrical & plumbing as well as some more cabinet work, countertops, backsplash, shower tiling. lots of grouting and sealing, carpet, cleaning out ducts, phone line issues, and installing appliances. the interesting factor .... LO'S HOUSE SOLD! we have to be out in 3 weeks. and if you imagine the list above's time table it wont be ready. not like i want it to be. but the truth of that matter is i am gonna have to do this nate's way not mine. this might mean a tent in the backyard or sleeping bags inside or mattress's and what not. but me perfectionest ways might have to drive me insane this time around because it looks as though i have no choices that are realistic and reasonable other then to move into an unfinished house in a construction zone. not what i wanted and not ideal. but its just how it is. the thought of moving in just 3 weeks with all that to do on top of all the other sweet smelling poop on my list is nearly to much to bear without passing out.

yeah yeah i know why dont i ask for help? well it just doesnt seem practical. this is our pile of poop afterall. we will shovel our way through. and besides that it really comes down to that there is not much that others can handle, we need to handle this and take care of it because we are the ones that know how. that being said we are taking on some much needed help that has been offered and that we are grateful for.




also this week my sweet Neena finally returned home from her mission. this was truly a highlight in my week and i cant believe she is home. it was so fun to be there when she got off the plane and be part of her family for a day. she really is very much a little sister to me and i adore her every little fiber. i love this picture of her seeing her true sister after 18 months and cant wait to spend more time with her and catch up. Her family has become a big support to us and a big part of our lives since she left. I am so grateful for the andersens!

individual update ... i am sorry this is getting loooong .... saylor lost both of her two front teeth this week. she looks kind of odd and if you ask her she will say she looks like a moron. oh dear the words we have taught the kids .... i am no good parent and nate has some work to do on word refinement also! she looks darling ... in a toothless way. she is doing fantastic. her health is great. treatments are still met with resistance but they are working. i am dreading .... DREADING her inevitable departure from my life as she enters first grade at a new school, new distric, new everything. i feel beside myself about it and if i did not have much to focus on at this time my fat heart would be broken.

the other two are doing fantastic and are making new friends already. such strong kids. resilent. and amazing! a little tid bit of info on nate is that he was recently called into the EQ presidency in our ward. Its something we have known and felt coming about and are excited about. Its a good presidency, we have a lot in common with the other families in the presidency and are excited to socialize with our new ward. Today was a sunday to end a week that is beyond description. This week was a week in which i survived my WORST nightmare regarding studio stems. It literally took my breath away and shook me to my core. I did survive it but i am not ready to talk about it. This morning brought many sunday responsibilities. we had to speak in sacrament and because the youth speakers fell through we had to take the whole time. in preparation for my talk i asked my kids what they thought a keystone was. my sweet storie said "a key to heaven". who is this angel that i have been blessed with? i cant even imagine why i got these magical children. but i did. i did. Saylor spoke in primary about the temple and did a fantastic and brave job. Nate taught eq and set apart the secretary. i finished my day watching "the secret life of bee's"