Thanksgiving surgery

For those of you that havent received the full run down, or if you have and didnt understand, here is the essentials behind Saylor's recent adventure.

As many of you know Saylor has two stomas in her stomach. One is to access her bladder and the other is to access her bowel. When we had Saylor's "new" bladder put in part of her bowel was used and after that procedure she was never the same. While many SB kids do not have bowel or bladder control due to paralysis the bladder surgery compounded this existing problem by creating a contraction problem with her bowel muscles. Basically they no longer would contract and move her waist through her very well. She also did not have much control over them when things did decide to move through. Because Saylor is so high functioning and exists pretty mainstream in the world and with her peers we found it essential to fix this problem. Thus the bowel stoma. We have had it for several years now and it has served its purpose well.

For about the last year we have had a lot of pain and exterior problems with the actual stoma site, not its function. They seemed to escalate just as we had the baby and shortly thereafter it was obvious that something needed to be emergently done. It was almost as if her body was rejecting the "door" to the stoma. Vascular scar tissue was all of the sudden building up, immense bleeding and pain was a nightly routine. Her surgeon removed the "door" late oct just before Halloween. But we all knew she wouldn't last long without a replacement before her system backed her up and cause more serious problems. Luckily he did have a plan that would hopefully fix the problem, create a new stoma, and get us back on a healthy track for her.

We all had scheduling factors to consider and with a new babe I was very nervous about how we were going to do all this. With wrestling started and Nate's demanding schedule with work also options were limited and I knew I couldnt pull this one off on my own with Nox. So it came down to Thanksgiving. Yep we chose that time ... and Saylor gracious surgeons worked around us!

Bowel surgery is a challenging and risky type. It usually includes a clear liquid diet for days prior and a "clean out" perhaps the worst of it all actually. Saylor actually handled the clear liquid diet at home pretty well considering and complained very little. We made fun things like jello jigglers and ate candy jolly ranchers with sprite.

Admission day came though and our little world was turned upside down! I ventured on this one day on my own with Saylor and babe. Full of nerves I arrived to find that we were getting a "luxe" room for how hospital rooms go and the nurses to be very supportive of my predicament. Saylor was very nervous and full of extreme anxiety. Something that would prove to be a companion for days to come. In fact I think one of the hardest things about this surgery was the mental part for Saylor and watching her struggle through it.

The picture above is saylor eating a slushy with the dreaded NG tube down her to clean her out. It was a long day full of sad words and discouraging times but with the loving arms of our Savior, lots of tears, and prayers by us and others we made it through to surgery the next morning.



Surgery day was likely the most relaxed day of the entire week stay. Saylor was not in pain and was very comfortable. Mostly out of it the whole day. She did not require much from us and It was such a relief to have a little bit of a respite break. Surgery was long but went well.

The days to follow brought a lot of pain and more anxiety. Every spectrum of pain was present for Saylor and several for Nate & I too.

Hard times and Holy places really says it all and maybe even an understatement. These are the times though that I realize are my most cherished in so many ways. A time of growth and perspective. A time of sweetness and pain that thins the veil here on earth.

It reminded me how connected my children are and were as she wanted them and they wanted her. The kids were mostly banned from the hospital, minus little babe for obvious reasons. Some tender moments of comfort and cheer.



I went home every night and came back every morning and Nate played the live in the hospital primary care giver for the first time in 8.5 years. Kind of a strange roll reversal but it was actually really nice for both of us to get a taste of the other side. He nurtures her differently then I do ... he does it by putting on purple capes and doing crafts with her and then becoming kind of a hardened coach when it was time to get up and get moving!



Many of you have asked me "did it work" I dont yet have that answer for you. We are not using the new stoma as that whole area needs a lot of time to heal. But soon we will start using it with a small volume and a few months I should know. What I do know is that our lives and mostly Saylors have had less pain since the removal of the old door then we have had in a years time. So it was worth it for that alone. I hope that the new system brings her function and physical peace.

Like all our adventures with Saylor, I expect this was a necessary trial for us all and that good will come of it.



I am so grateful for the immense amount of support we received. For prayers and well wishes. For fasting and temple roll placement. For food and visits. For caring for our other children. For errands, leaf raking, and emails from those we never expected. It is sometimes hard to be the recipient of service, but it too has its blessings and lessons. We pray that you all will be blessed for your kind acts of charity and know that we love and appreciate you.

The G Tree

This year at our house during the month of NOV we had a GTree in the house! A gratitude tree that started off bare and eventually finished its days off like this. First time tradition that will never be lost, it was a fun and a beautiful experience. The girls helped me make the leafs and we left a vase with the leafs and sharpies near the tree all month, everyone was free to do as much or as little as they wanted and to write what they wanted. The only rule .... no reading the leafs!

Thanksgiving day would be a lovely day to read the leafs but for our fam this year we read on the Sunday after T-day. We spent T.day at PCMC and i just decided it would best to wait until we were all home gathered around our own table eating together. And i am grateful i did, it really extended the season a bit for us.

All the leafs were meaningful and touching and i couldn't believe the mature perspectives of my kids. They continue to amaze me. And some of the leafs left us rolling with laughter. Good times!

new appreciation for newborn photogs

I have a good deal of photography friends and that many more acquaintances! I even know my fair share about the industry and had been told before that newborn photography was difficult! In no way did I not believe this notion I just really had no idea how difficult!

I used the same amazing photog {sweet memory gardens} for this shoot as my maternity shoot. I have so much fun with angie and can really relate to her on a personal level and I adore her newborn and baby work, it really is her niche. But i pushed her and therefor my own experience out of the box. At angie's studio the conditions are prime for newborn shoots, its warm and all the props are there and angie has this experience down to a science. I really wanted shots here at my home though and thought that it would still be ideal and all because it was home right? Not so much! Here are the shots I just couldn't live without ...




I really wanted to snug the little bug into one of our bookcase cubbies. I love to read and I just have been thinking about this shot for months now. We waited a bit until he was a few weeks old because of the whole oxygen/monitor thing and even here he is still on the stuff we just had to sneak him on and off to get shots without it. He barely fit in the cubbie, they just grow so darn fast! Just in the nick of time.



angie was so darn sweet that she made a itty bitty wrestling singlet for us knowing that nate was really into wrestling and we got these shots just for him. She simply is the very best!




I personally love these two and this one as well ...


It had been a very difficult and challenging day for me personally and i was frankly nothing shy of a big mess so our original plan to have a whole family session was shot done by my down trodden looks and nates lack of good scheduling. It worked out to get a shot of all the kiddos though, an especially charming one!



angie was with us for 5 or 6 hours and was so patient as we juggled a fussy ornery baby, nursing, 3 other kids, changing bums, oxygen, and monitors. I wanted to cry eventually! I had no idea that getting just a few shots would be so traumatic and difficult and take so much time!!! I marveled however at angies patience and her ability to calm a baby that wasnt even hers, she has a serious magic touch and really knows what to do positionally and how to make it all doable and comfortable. Newborn photogs really work for the money! holy moly!




because we are friends angie also let me know that this was especially difficult and though most newborn shoots are a challenge that she found nox to be a bit more fussy then the fussiest of kids she has shot. kind of made me feel bad, and good at the same time! it wasnt just me after all thinking he was so challenging. i love that she can be honest with me too!



We also got this shot below our Anthony Robles quote on our wall. It was important to me for emotional reasons. I have blogged about this quote before but really it meant a great deal to me during the pregnancy. deciding to endeavor on this journey to bring nox here was a difficult decision and then a blessed surprise. But it was really hard and anthony's words reminded me a great deal of the pleas to my Father in heaven that i uttered so frequently. "make it hard, just make it possible ...."

and last but not least a little gem to send you off for the holidays! a photoshoped work of genius.


Nox is healthy and doing quiet well considering the rough start we got. I really feel like he is settling into our little fam delightfully. He is now just over 2 months and is weighing in over 10lbs and 21 inch long. He is eating well and breathing well too! what a relief. We still have to be so cautious with him in the coming months but we are so grateful for all the love, support, prayers, amazing pediatrician and the blessings that have come.

and to you my friend angie ... you are so truly sweet and charitable. I simply adore you and can think of no other friend in your industry i would have rather have gone through that day with!

Photography credit: sweet memory garden

House arrest

This post is long overdo, i fully intended to write about these things before now, our lives are so full of things to write about and share, i cannot keep up! so here it goes ... though its a little dated!





As you might assume from the previous post coming home with accessories initially did not feel overwhelming, and let me just say up front even though it became overwhelming i of course would still have rather of come home, i would take any sweet child of mine at home over the hospital any day regardless of the situation.

It took some serious adjustment to deal with all the tanks, tubing, and monitors. Not anything like having a healthy newborn at home. We have experienced a good deal of fun accessories of this type at home but believe it or not, not this particular kind! I soon realized that the baby was not at all mobile. I couldn't carry him from room to room to get anything done or check on other children. In fact moving him was quiet the endeavor. The face stickers were torment and the tubing up his nose was too. constant pulling and replacing of numerous facets of equipment accompanied by even more constant beeping. I think we might also be completely incompatible with monitor sensors, we seemed to burn through those at a rate that was alarming to our home health care company!

it didnt take long for me to come down off my high of being home and crash into the new arrest that i had found myself in. In the mornings it was so difficult to get baby and car seat and all his equipment out the door along with 3 other kids, all their homework and school needs, a wheelchair and crutches and myself ... just for 5 min to take them to school. fun times. repeat again at the end of the day! if i ever was any kind of a recluse it did not compare to what i became over the month of O2 at home!

We spent a lot of apts at dr laurets office as he patiently worked through some serious reflux issues, weight gain and growth issues, and the obvious respiratory issues. days still felt long like they do in the hospital, i wondered {even though i knew better} if we would get to a "normal" place in time. I even felt guilty about my anxiousness and impatience, i know many families go through much more then we do and deal with these very same things much longer then we do! heck in some respects i had been through much more then this, i dare say i was struggling for my usual strength and patience.



our time did come to an end and though he seemed to be starting at a snail pace he sped up and we got on our way. He came off O2 and monitors the second week of October, freeing us all! It felt {feels} so good! we still have respiratory concerns, especially as we head into RSV and cold weather season and he still is very much in a cautionary state but all seems to be headed in the right direction.

Whats to come ... well the most darling ever newborn pics from the craziest newborn shoot ever & 2 month old stats!

On a side note: our sweet saylor has also been dealing with some serious health challenges as of late. Our period of rest and stabilization with her has ended. She gets admitted to PCMC tomorrow and will have surgery on tue the 22nd. should be a fun thanksgiving in the hospital. a first for our little family. I can think of no better way to spend at least one gratitude day in my life, i have so much to be thankful for! i will update fb with her condition and eventually the blog.

much love.

nox & his birth story {part 2} - the NICU

As much as it is to be expected at this point that our baby would end up in this challenged area of the hospital, its still an emotional struggle and a disappointment. We had a great deal of NICU experience under our belt prior to this, a little bit with the two older kids, and months worth with saylor, so I expected to be able to get through a little breathing challenge like a breeze. Not so.

We carefully selected our delivery hospital and OB. So much so that it greatly inconvenienced us as all of those services were in slc and we were in provo. We knew that there were very few docs willing and actually capable of taking on the risks that we had to offer with a pregnancy and we wanted someone familiar and comfortable. With dr ball {our fetal surgery UCSF OB} at st marks, the decision was a no brainer! But the NICU brought that choice all into a different perspective and really made me acquire some serious second thoughts.

Pretty quickly we felt unwelcome in the NICU and unaware of what was going on with Nox. The nurses were not comforting or kind, they were pushy and obtrusive and made us feel not welcome there. There was no level of communication with the neos and or nurses and anxiety began to mount for us quickly. I actually had to seek out the neo and demand info and a care plan. Though over the week we were delighted to have a good warm nurse here and there things didnt get much better. I felt imprisoned and depressed. There came a sense about the situation that he wasnt ours and that we could not and should not be involved in the decisions behind his care. Granted i was sensitive and emotional but people i wasnt flying blind here, been there, done that, i knew what my previous experiences had been. This was such a far cry from UCSF, a place that eventually grew to be part of our souls and our home! We were dumbfounded and unsure of what to do and how to handle it.



The situation improved just a tad when my OB stepped in after I told her that things were not going well and that i was upset about several things. She called the social worker without telling me and soon we got a visit and the staff began to endeavor to meet our needs. But it felt reluctant, and then we felt like were being ridiculous and or abnormal or whiny and difficult, one of "those" parents. A really unfair feeling from my perspective.

The peek came near the end of our stay when nate had gone home to care for the other kids and go to a football game and i was left to juggle the insanity i was experiencing. One night at 2:30 am i went to feed nox and found him missing, in a procedure to change his IV yet again. His veins werent holding them well. I could hear him screaming in the other room and over an hour later i lost it! They poked at him for an hour straight, he never stopped screaming. Several people tried and no one could get in a vein. I was livid that they did not stop and give him a break and re-evaluate their plan with a neo. I got the charge nurse and told her enough we are taking a break, the IV is not life or death its only for antibiotics it can wait. She was so angry that I had overstepped bounds this ridiculous place had so rudely drawn, she treated me as though i had intruded on another baby's care. She immediately was defensive. She began to argue with me believe it or not. 30 min later she was still fighting with me and i couldnt take anymore. The stress ruptured and i headed up to my room to take a moment to remove myself and call nate to determine how to handle this.

nate usually is the lower key individual in these circumstances. Urging me to be patient and not judgmental to look at things in other perspectives. When it comes to medical stuff its usually me armed with the knowledge and communication. not this time. When i got off the phone i thought things were no different, that i would have to figure out how to fix this despite that i felt emotionally out of my element and uncomfortable as all get out. to my surprise nate was determined to resolve this as he sat home filled with anger about the situation. he called the hospital and demanded to talk with the charge nurse who fought with me and hospital administration. it did not take very long for people to start coming to my room with apologies. The next day i felt a peace in a plan and clear constructive communication. I still felt unwelcome and even more like the parent everyone hates while i visited the NICU but i felt comfort in nates support and a turn around of care.

It became evident that they wanted to get rid of us as much as we wanted to leave. and that one helpful staff member, the social worker began to step in. So they arranged for some home health care and a way for us to go home even though Nox was not entirely ready.

Only 24 hours later I took my son home on oxygen and monitors. I felt like i truly was being released from prison. I cant even begin to explain the strange and unfamiliar emotions i felt. the release and happiness. the feeling that he finally was mine! A week that felt like a year! I have been there before, we have done 20 surgeries alone on saylor in addition to the NICU stays. I know how taxing a hospital room can be. But this, this was so far from pleasant the feelings were extreme. {little did i know that i was moving from maximum security to at home arrest.} either way it was a much better situation and i was delighted to have my little man back full time and be able to delight in the little things, like a shower in my shower and my kids surrounding me and a familiar place to rest my head.

more on at home arrest to come ...

nox & his birth story {part 1}

Having a planned c-section was a very surreal and strange experience of emotions for me. I never really got to the place were I was 100% ready to relinquish the experience and the miracle. It felt strange to me that it was over and I had done what I set out to do. I had never before felt that way, the 3 others ended with an embrace and immense relief to be emptied and were a bit unplanned when it all ended. This experience allowed for a good deal of planning and contemplation, something foreign and somewhat unexpected. We in fact MADE it to our destination of 36 weeks, there I was at that destination with a strong and big baby suddenly filled with a bit of sadness that it was over and immense happiness and anticipation as I reflected on my little man and his new presence in my life, and the possibility of a more normal experience.

Driving to a planned delivery, knowing that what was inside of me was about to come out with calmness and not much intensity was a new emotion for me. After we arrived at the hospital and the process began I was overcome with tears and anxiety as I got a little nervous for surgery and felt that the time was fleeting too fast and was not adequate for me to experience it all. The minutes raced by and soon I was in the OR delivering a little man. He came out screaming and BIG for his gestation. and with a full head of dark hair! something very unusual for us!

Nox Heleman O'Brien - 8:15 am September 14th 2011 6lbs 8 oz.



the sadness then fleeted and happiness filled my soul and excitement that he was big and healthy and hope, i filled with hope that this one would not go to the NICU and would room with us and go home with us! In just moments my expectations hit really high and out of control and just as fast as they soared they came crashing down as he began to struggle to breath and was removed from our possession.



Only a mere few moments graced us before he was removed and taken to the NICU where he would stay for the next week overcoming struggles I did not believe would befall him.

The next hours filled me with agony and familiarities while i struggled with the pain that comes after delivery alone while Nate attended to Nox and the intense happenings of the NICU. We almost dont really know how to do it any other way. So i embraced what i know all too well and began fervent prayers for the strength of my son and the team of doctors caring for him.

More to come ...

Beauty & Drool

When I was pregnant back yonder in the younger days one of my closest friends told me about this book, "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy: or everything your doctor wont tell you" and though I meant to read it this time around {I did read it last time}, I never got to it. But I haven't forgotten the gift that it was to me, it truly has stuck with me through all these years! I remember distinctly thinking "I wish I had had this book with my first baby or that someone would have told me it was all going to be like this!" This book really gets down to the nitty gritty of what it really IS to be pregnant! Because the day in and day out IS not what your doctor tells you. Its all the little things that change every facet of your body, mind, strength, and spirit. Some are less then graceful and beautiful, but they all make up the cumulative beauty that IS pregnancy, the creation of life!

To express the beauty of pregnancy coupled with some of those less talked about things, I thought I would create a unique and raw post for you. I never took maternity pics with any of my 3 previous pregnancies. I literally {no joke take a look at some of my raw fb pics ... } am one of the very least photogenic people in the universe. On top of that, I dont handle viewing myself all that well so this seemed like a no brainer ... maternity pics are OUT! But as this pregnancy progressed and knowing that I have matured a great deal, I couldn't help but want to consider it. Because this IS beautiful, even if its not photogenic. In fact I find it to be so incredibly beautiful, especially considering the physical challenge that it brings me specifically that I wavered my decision a little and decided that maternity pics are ON! After seeking out just a few of my most favorite photogs for advice and inquiry I then flopped again to the other side of the fence and decided not to do it, until that is, my loving photog friend Angie convinced me to do it with a sacred oath of private security upon the shoot and the images. We had a great time at our little shoot and Angie made me feel so comfortable and beautiful. It wasn't long before I was so grateful that I did this! So mixed with the beauty {edited} that the talented Angie of Sweet Memory Gardens captured of me and baby, you will find grueling text about some of the specific nitty gritties of this pregnancy, things a doc would never tell you, but things a girlfriend should!


DrOOL: I picked this image for this topic because of how the two conflict and contradict each other. A little sexy right? Well drooling is NOT sexy! I cannot recall the need for excessive saliva in baby baking. Since when was that an ingredient? It never was for my other 3 and they turned out just fine! This time around I cant seem to stop the flow! Waking up in pools of drool next to the man you love wont likely create feelings of beauty or intimacy for either one of you! Not to mention waking up from a nap with a soaked sleeve or shoulder ... never in my life have I had to change clothes mid-day for this type of problem! Not to mention the sudden need to swallow more frequently while in conversation to reduce the incidence of spitting! Couldn't get more real then that right? Apparently I am not the only one because limitless baby/pregnancy websites list and discuss this issue. Good to know I am not a lone, still not liking this added ingredient. What I have learned: It actually has a medical terminology, go figure! Welcome to the unpleasant side effect known as ptyalism or sialorrhea. Also apparently more common in women with more sever cases of morning sickness. {or in other words throw-up all day long sickness, or in my case even all night long!}


CRaVINGS: I am writing about this only because I think its one of THE most common questions that befall an expecting mother, and I have been asked my fair share. I have a sweet tooth on a regular basis anyhow but pregnancy does not usually magnify that for me. In fact some of you might already know that with Stock I ate a lot of mayonnaise! PLAIN! This time around vanilla has been the flavor of choice. But not just any vanilla, quality counts! Costco has delivered every time with their Kirkland brand vanilla ice-cream. I also have been known to eat a Haagan Daz bar {or two} a day! And for a few weeks somewhere in there I really enjoyed SCORE bars. As of late though the amount of food of any kind consumed by me and the baby has decreased and the level of ICE has increased. I am not an ICE person, I typically like low ice in all my drinks, the cold typically bothers my veneers. And I have never been known to chew ice for pleasure, but here I am chewing endless bags of ice away.


How many times do you PEE in the night?: My dark hours are about as comfortable as laying on a bed of rocks! Actually I was really delighted with the outcome of my willingness to lay on this creek side stone beach. And in reality my night routine is much more unbearable then getting this picture was or ever could be. I am not sure if its my age this time around, or damage done to my inner urinary organs during fetal surgery and emergency delivery, or if its just the position of this particular baby, or a combo of all sorts of elements but I feel about 90 years old with a 100% incompetent bladder. I swear to you that not a night has passed in the last 6 months that I have gone to the bathroom less then 10 times between 10pm and 7am. Who does that?! And can live with it long term?! Honestly I truly have considered a catheter its that bad!


Non Stress Test ARE actually STRESSful: Like many high risk expectant moms as I have gotten down to the wire it has been a weekly requirement to undergo NST's & AFI's. The more I do, the more I feel that they cause more stress then actually monitor stress. Having in depth ultrasounds on the same day adjacent to the AFI has made me realize that the fluid measurement is likely not accurate, so why do it? And 20 min of rushed monitoring does not equate to a definitive answer of contracting or not. Not to mention for me the drive to and from st marks in constant construction helps out my stress level a ton!


HuMAN oVEN: It is in fact true that a pregnant woman runs a few degrees hotter then the rest of us non baking ovens walking around. And anyone intentionally planning a summer pregnancy is truly INSANE! Because this has been downright nearly unbearable! I am just one big ball of hot sweaty mess!

HYPERventilation?!: I pretty continuously have a tingling feeling in my face. Which i have been told is some kind of hyperventilation. I am so bothered by the idea of mis-diagnosis and not being listened too. On the flip side I have learned over the years {especially with saylor} that I am also very bothered by subjection to mass quantities of tests to determine a culprit of a specific kind. I feel this in the calmest of times and for a long duration. I have tried taking deep breaths, short breaths, any kind of breaths you can think of. And yet the tingling persists. I have to admit its far better then the "vaginal spasms" some idiot doc diagnosed me with while pregnant with saylor.



HoW DO U answer THAT ??: So I get asked a lot, "how are you doing?" or "how are you feeling?" And genuinely it is in no way the question that bothers me, in fact I really appreciate the genuine sincerity of those that truly care about how I am. Its the answer that bothers me. How does one answer that question when they feel like I do? With grace and honesty both at the same time? My life is bi-polar actually. In any given moment I can feel elated by the miracle of life moving inside of me and then tortured by the pain it creates. That is how I feel, for those of you that are wondering.

I'll leave you with just those few gritties and save the most disturbing ones for those "girlfriend" conversations. In the end this has been a pregnancy well accomplished. I have made it further then anyone involved anticipated, and without being in bed! {Though not without restrictions, meds, and pain!} I worked nearly till the end ... ok in some regards I am even still working :) and have managed 3 other kids with craaaazy schedules and an even busier husband! Baking this baby boy has been a joy for the most part, a blessing beyond measure, and an assurance of who I am and want to be. I have enjoyed this pregnancy more thoroughly then ever before and in many ways look with ill anticipation to it's end. The movement inside me, a constant miracle and feeling unlike anything else will be so missed and yet his arrival will be such a relief!

All images courtesy of: Sweet Memory Garden

A few Inspiring Young Fellows

So for more then a week or so has passed and I have endeavored to blog about some hilarious insights into my pregnancy, before it ends of course, and I still am in the thick of the comedy! I usually blog personally on the weekends, seeing how it is that I blog all week long professionally. I still hope to get to this before baby comes, even though it seems these days with just a little more then two weeks left, that he could really need to be delivered any day ... any moment. Ill do my best to entertain you still!

But today I have decided to blog about some of the benefits that I have received from being involved so heavily in the athletic world of both my husband and son. It comes in the way of some serious inspiration and touching perspectives of life. Nate introduced me {on the TV that is} to this amazing young man Anthony Robles who is a current national champ out of Arizona in the college wrestling world. Whats amazing about him, he was born with only one leg! He recently was the recipient of the Jimmy V award at the Espy's. His speech was nothing short of inspiring and touching, I particularly find his mom to be a stunning inspiration to me. Its so hard to watch sometimes, being a mom is truly the most incredible and emotionally painful experience to be had here on earth. I kept thinking how is she watching him wrestle? I can hardly watch Stock and hold back tears and stomach contents!

Robles Acceptance Speech at ESPY Awards (Jimmy V Award) from Keith Jennings on Vimeo.

Anthony's story obviously hits home really hard for me as I watch my own talented son strive for excellence in this same sport and as I watch my own little miracle child endeavor to beat all the odds in front of her to become something impossible. Anthony's message ... is going up on our wall!

He reminds me a little of another wrestling friend, Henry Cejudo. A wrestler who beat many odds and became an Olympic gold medalists. A few years back when I was first privileged to meet Henry i was so smitten with his humble nature and his ease and willingness to let saylor wear his gold medal for a while! His book still stands out to me as one of the most inspiring books I have read. These two young men not only inspire my children but they have taught me a great deal about work, hard work, and what it takes to be a true champion. {Henry's book is called American Victory}

If Nate is home and has down time, a sport channel is on the TV! You can be sure of it. And though this usually annoys me to some extend I have found myself pretty fascinated and impressed with all the stories on ESPN's E60. I will even go as far as to say I would watch the program if he wasnt around ... yep I know your stunned right?

I am so grateful on so many levels for the inspiring nature of athleticism and its contribution and influence in my home. For the man I married and what he brings to the table, even if it means I am a lone a heck of a lot of the time!

Thursday Hero Reunion 2011

Saylor was a "Thursday Hero" for the BYU football team 2 seasons ago, it was one of THE most incredible experiences of our lives. For those of you that dont know what I mean by this, Bronco {head coach} has several programs to enrich the lives of his players, to teach them gratitude and service among other character building attributes, this is one of them. For home games the Thursday prior to the game the team watches film and hears about an inspiring person and then after practice that person comes to the facilities where they sign the team flag and the team signs a flag for them as well as spends time with them and their family. An unforgettable day for sure! Saylor is still very much in love with Cosmo and takes much pride in that she is the only Thur hero to have him at her team night. Every year prior to the season there is a Thursday Hero reunion for all the inspiring people, their families, the coaching staff, and the players. It's a private event {obviously} so my kids get genuinely spoiled and spend time with their favorite players, get john hancocks and the boys eat every second up of football talk and food they can get. This year saylor was a little shy, but still had a blast and proves that she still bleeds blue ... like her dad.


This is Bryan Kariya, he plays for the cougs and was also my little brothers mission companion. We love chatting with him, he is simply a doll with a great head on his shoulders and fantasmic smile!


Saylor & Bronco have a yearly chat to catch up on how she is doing. I swear this exact scene is not much different then last years image of this. Bronco was even wearing the same outfit, hat, flip flops and all! Saylor was also wearing a similar outfit :) He always tells her when he sees her how when the team views the Thur Hero videos compilation that Saylor always hits his heart pretty hard. They talked about pink and purple crutches and shoes.


This year we spent the most time with Kyle Van Noy. We actually find his personal story to be quiet inspiring and he was really down to earth and fun to chat with.

I didnt get as many pics as i should have. I was so hot and exhausted! But we ate dinner with the "brown brothers" Braden and Rhen. And they were a hoot. They dont look anything alike but charming they were. We also stopped for a hello with Chad Lewis who it seems we see a lot these days between skiing, football camps, BYU stuff and other athletic events. I am sure this was Stock's highlight because the first thing chad said to him was hey you are that really fast kid from OHS FB camp that was really good ... yep thats him! It's always nice to catch up with our old friend Coach Weber as well!


As we were leaving the team equipment semi had just parked and the kids couldn't believe how nice it was, so they wanted a pic!

Good times. Thanks Bronco and the Cougs! Awe the benefits of living with a hero ...

August

Last month {i cant believe its been a month ... see time is escaping me, someone is stealing it!} Nate's brother Aaron and his family were in town from Texas. And so Nate's mom thought it would be a great time to do family pics. I wasnt very familiar with the photographer and so i didnt endeavor to have any pics taken of our own little fam {i know way to many amazing and talented photogs to do this} and i am not sure that a family pic 7 months prego is really productive anyhow. I didnt plan to take pics of my kids on my own until after the two hours of work it took to get them all ready. I needed more of a pay off for all that work! so i took our own camera a long for some quick shots and this is what came of it. nothing special but a little visual update! {obviously ... Nate selected for us that we wear BYU colors to signify our loyalty!}

Storie recently finished up long course season on UVRAYS and has a little bit of time off here in August before short course season starts up again. She finished the season off impressively with amazing improvements on many of her times! She recently got a new violin, that almost cost one of my limbs. Good thing I dont play. And taught me a serious lesson about buying off KSL! Beware of PEG is all i have to say about that. {if your ever in the violin market locally and want more info or cautions just message me} She also has begun fall girls soccer, a new endeavor for her. I fear that swimming was just not enough of an athletic feature to make her feel welcome in her dads world. Which in reality is of course not true and also makes me sad ... but we do live with a crazy man who lives and breaths sports so i get the inevitable feelings. I also feel like its a bit of insanity to add that to our calendar .. especially right now, oh well ... as i say to every question that befalls me these days ... ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Stock has begun football again and both him and his dad are pretty focused and enthralled in the world of a single brown ball. It exhausts me. He is my only child not looking forward to school, but on the same note is my only child who cares what brand of clothing he is wearing ... seems a little off to me. I do have an almost 12 year old girl. But thats ok. If possible he would adorn himself head to toe with anything under-armor, jordan, or nike. and thats pretty much it! Everyone asks us {me and or him and i suppose nate as well} if stock is excited to have a little brother. And i suppose he is far more excited about the babe then he would be if it was a girl ... but he is quietly excited, as you would expect a boy to be.

Saylor had her first soccer experience last week thanks to a friend who took her when i could not. Of course her physical capabilities in light of her limitations were nothing short of impressive. she is naturally an obrien ... and therefor an athlete. We dont seem to make any other kind of breed. We also were able to take her to WC tennis for the first time all summer. It was a delight ... it also makes me feel so terribly guilty when i realize the mounds of potential this kid has and then also realize its up to me to facilitate it and get her there! She has enjoyed attending numerous baptisms for friends all summer long and her play dates with peyton and summer are priceless! 7 peaks with nate is a highlight for her because she gets to go down the slides and do something beyond wade in the wave pool with her incapable pregnant mother. And her biggest high was BYU Thursday Hero reunion last week. {More on that to come} This year we are trying out some new steps in way of independence at school and with school only a week away i am quiet nervous for her. She is not however. typical.


As for baby obrien ... this is from our early august ultra ... also our last one with dr ball, a sad and difficult day for me. Baby is still growing strong. He was a little ahead of himself for a bit but has slowed his rate back to his gestational age. Though he continues to look a little muscular to all the techs who see him! {If they only knew!} Dr ball has escaped back to UCSF and left me in the hands of my regular OB dr sloan. That being said he tells me time and time again that he is only a phone call away. And i do realize that likely not many, if any other, patients have his number and his beckon call. He has never not answered or called me back within 10 minutes in the entire 8 years i have had personal access to him! SO for now that will have to do ... He did recommend one more ultrasound prior to delivery, but trusted the temp MFM's about as much as i do, so the plan is just to have his timp hospital tech cassidy scan us and call him when she is done. That will be aug 30th. We are hoping for a minimum of 2 more weeks. {I am 32 now} And a max of 4. We have completed a lovely steroid cycle that left me with a few side effects for a few days, luckily no allergic reaction this time. and at least its on board should we not make it! Non stress tests once a week have begun as well. So i feel like i am driving to st marks several days a week now between apts and NST's. oh wait i am doing that. alright then.

Nights have become nearly unbearable with discomfort and a few nights have brought on some braxton hicks and in usual audrey style some vomiting as well. I think both Nate and I are at this place were we are a little bit of constantly on edge, knowing that we are very much down to the wire and that we cant predict how this is going to go down, though we would like it to be scheduled and planned we know from too much experience that life doesnt always go down that way! I still feel not at all ready in many respects. As painful as his movement has become i still really enjoy this miracle and seeing/feeling him move inside of me. Still smitten with this miraculous fascination. We are ready in material sort of way ... i think anyway ... but i dont feel ready in any other way. It hardly feels real that in a month at longest we are going to have an infant in our arms! The memories of the challenge a new born brings fade, this is how women are convinced to have more you see, but there is enough there {vaguely} to send terror through me, i dont know if i can handle this! Yikes! Our lives are so busy and complicated ... this will be nothing short of a beautiful mess i am sure.

whats to come on the blog ... well thursdays hero of course! and yes i did it .. maternity pics ... first day of school next week ... end of pregnany woes ... and likely leaking nursing boobs to go a long with newborn woes! and what would an obrien blog be without athletic updates!

Pregnancy Update: 28 Weeks

Fleeting me by: above you find a more current ultrasound image of our little man. He has taken on the concept of sucking his thumb, praying that doesn't stick! I know from personal experience the expense and toll it can take, bad habit! With all three of my previous kids anxiousness and even i dare say extreme lack of patience took me over. Even with saylor, whom I had at 28 weeks! And yes i felt guilty about being so impatient, at least with her. But I really have never been good at pregnancy at all. It has been hard for me to enjoy in past experiences. BUT this time around the experience really has taken on a new role. As delivery date max {52 days from now} approaches I actually find myself reluctant to get there and full of patience. I dont feel at all ready to finish this opportunity. Every step of the way I have just been amazed at this miracle and blessing and there is little I enjoy more then just feeling him move inside of me. I will admit I am uncomfortable and in a great deal of pain, some of which i guess to be normal and some of which is likely due to my not capable of being pregnant body. I dont feel ready emotionally, physically, or even in material ways. Most of all as ready as i might be spiritually i also dont want to see that spiritual moment change, even if it changes to something just as beautiful. I suppose i am far busier this time around as well, we are as a family actually. this is making time fly!

Heat: I have never been really prego in the summer. I guess I would have been to some degree with saylor but she came 3 months early. and i just touched the summer with stock. I cant believe how much the heat makes a difference in how i feel! Frankly i have been miserably hot a great deal of moments in the last few weeks! and i wonder how people do this? really? i am pretty set on being the least amount clothed as i can and sit in front of a fan near the AC vent also blowing. I hope that gives you a good description because i am lacking an image of this said miserably hot pregnant woman partaking in this summer time activity. I am a human oven! nobody cooks in the summer ... its too hot! At least i can empathize someday i suppose.



Complications: The above chunky monkey is measuring in at about a week ahead of his schedule. Though this is a good thing it could potentially mean an earlier delivery then planned. The 36 week max recommendation includes the factor of estimated size at that time and what my uterus can hold. So in short I hope he doesn't get too carried away with bulking up! Needless to say obviously this is a mini nate, therefor a mini stock ... next is my not entirely functioning gall bladder, though it has no stones its reacting for sure and its not a pretty or painless thing. But something we have discovered i just must endure. In addition to that we had a gestational diabetes scare that resulted in lots of tests that also were quiet miserable and left me pretty sick. Nothing like throwing up at this stage! It would also explain babies size .. but as it turns out not my diagnosis! There is still a chance my placenta is partially under my scar and could result in complications but blood flow via ultrasounds indicates that its not growing together, at least for now. And from here on out we just wait and see what my body does with this experience and hope we make it to our gestational goal with realism about the potential.



Nursery: I really felt that a rocker was a necessary item this time around. I only had one with saylor and what a priceless place to be with baby! Of course i gave the one i had with saylor away years ago. I kept picturing myself in something more couch/soft/cushiony like so i knew what i wanted. But i also knew it was spendy. Thankfully a friend of mine was getting rid of her pottery barn rocker for a great deal and all it needed was a new cover. So i snatched that opp up. But then found the cover to be a frustrating endeavor. Because this model is no longer produced, either is the cover. Downeast only sells the chair with the cover not seperately. I found a chair cover at Ikea that seemed like it would fit .. but not so! And so for the first time in my limited sewing experienced life i endeavored to sew a chair cover myself! And though i am not entirely in love with the finish product, i am proud of myself. based on my experience level and know how about this type of things, its not too bad! and for now ... it will do. it will do.

TP

Just an observation. When kids are home from school for the summer more TP is needed. I did not anticipate this, it was logical to assume that there would be an increased food consumption here at the house but didnt think so much about TP. I am not sure that I have ever noticed this domestic impact in prior years. I suppose it is the result of several factors: 1. my kids are getting older and so their digestive systems require more paper usage 2. they possibly are more digestibility comfortable at home because i know they dont potty this much at school. 3. and then the obvious factor of adding more people to the "office" all day. Next year i will prepare in advance for this particular domestic need.

Nates Lumbar Shift

Our summer continues ... and i suppose the most pertinent event as of late has been Nate's back injury. Nate & Stock took off to Idaho for Western Regionals {where stock competed in 3 different wrestling styles and did fairly well but not as well as expected} only to return home with a slightly sore back that within a few days resulted in 100% immobility. Nate couldn't identify an injury or moment in which something occurred, so it was very mysterious. What it was more then that, was scary. I was terrified. Here i am in a high risk pregnancy not really at my physical peak with a husband who i rely on heavily, whom has always been a rock when it comes to health, my steady and sturdy horse suddenly paralyzed, realizing that we will soon not have my income as i take a break and that he makes money doing construction and coaching! The weight was incredible and terrifying, I have never been good at not knowing, tell me what you want me to handle and ill deal with it. Leave it a mystery and i panic! So for the first time in 13 years we took nate to the hospital, or to a doc for that matter. But not without the convincing of his doc brother, because my opinion was just not enough.

The ER is such a delightful place, we have been there all too many times. But nate has never been the patient. The table turn was really strange and surreal almost. After 6 or so hours we discovered through an MRI that nate had a shift in his lumbar spine and some swelling. The doc there was less then helpful. He loaded us up with prescriptions {that nate refused to use} and sent us on our way. During that 6 hours nate got several morphine, muscle relaxer, and anti-inflammatory shots. I took this video of him when i brought him home ...



We came home pretty defeated, realizing nate was in no condition to work and with no direction as to address this problem. so monday morning we went at a solution and ended up at a fantastic PT who gave us a ray of hope and explained what had happened to nate. A muscle in the lower part of his back was injured or aggravated by something and then pulled his lumbar over shifting is whole lower back. super duper painful. We saw him a lot last week and slowly with that and lots of stretching routines nate began to regain his mobility and strength.

I found it to be quiet a challenge to have him home and not well on top of all that my plate holds. But it caused for a great deal of reflection and appreciation for how often he has cared for me, which frankly has been a lot! and much more intense then this. We learned a bit about each other, grew closer together and were blessed. I suppose that is why this happened ultimately. A priesthood blessing veered us toward even more reflection, some strength and comfort, and definite things to conquer.

It wasnt till midweek that i realized what the likely culprit was. We had discussed and discussed all his movements prior to the immobilization, down to his diet or any change in anything he did. I looked down at our floor and saw this pair of shoes he bought in Idaho and wore for a few days prior to becoming eighty five years old and it hit me ... its the shoes!



while out shopping {yes can you imagine a bunch of wrestling dudes out shopping of all things during their down time? well they did, i would say they were getting in touch with their feminine side} nate picked up these shoes on sale for $25. he thought they werent bad looking and found the concept of toning up your jump interesting. Truth of the matter is the concept is that it changes the way you walk to strengthen specific muscles. the way you walk effects your spine! HELLO CULPRIT! i was furious!!! my husband was badly injured and $25 had turned into thousands. Ill always hate those shoes.

He is back to work this week and he says somewhere between 80-90% back to himself. I so appreciate all the concern, all the prayers, phone calls, texts, help, support, hanging with my kids, and all that. It got me through!

And i hope to update you on the remainder of us sometime next week!

and our summer begins ...

I have been such a bad blogger. Its been hard to keep up with all the demands of my usual busy life and my growing changing prego body. But i haven't forgotten or lost the value of Holland rocks in my life. So here is a basic recap on how our summer is shaping up thus far ...


ill start with the boys. Stock turned 10 recently. it was quiet uneventful one might say. He spent the day at wrestling camp and because he needed to cut weight for western regionals he also couldn't really go out to eat or have cake and ice-cream! ahhh the life of an athlete! For the most part both nate and stock are consumed with the business of sports. Stock is on a provo city baseball league .. and i bet you cant guess who the coach is? {nate of course} they are doing quiet well this year. undefeated. They have secured themselves a sweet spot in the state tournament. Stock is doing even better pitching this year then last and has developed himself into the most darling and fantastic catcher my eyes have ever seen. unlike watching him wrestle i heart the baseball games! he is just so handsome in that uniform, looks like a hot mini version of his father. i adore it. and lets face it, more entertaining! People comment on a regular basis to us about his athleticism, what can i say ... its the one area with him i will gloat to no end! He is just as magical as his father. When not playing baseball they are at wrestling prepping for western regionals and nationals. and soon ... very soon football starts.

Nate has been super busy with house projects. I think he is nesting ... no kidding i really think he is. He hasnt had much spare time but when he does he works on the house. We moved out of our storage unit and got all the storage back into the house into the new and improved storage room. and he built me all new storage and shelves in the studio to house all my inventory. Now he is working on the storage outside of the house. Nesting i tell ya. He is also playing softball with all "the boys" as usual. but this year i have noticed a change, no offense boys but your getting a little old for this, one of you seems to either be injured or get injured at every game and you have sort of lost your domination, not so good of a team any longer! none the less ... fun to watch!

and for the littlest boy in our lives ...


Baby boy O'Brien is doing really well! We are about 24/25 weeks now. And he is right on track for growth. He is getting bigger and bigger each and every time i see him. I am so blessed to be able to see him often. He is still moving like crazy, an odd sensation for me considering my last experience. We are both are doing better then expected and hope to make it to our goal. {about 10 more weeks) My placenta is an odd unusual shape and may be intruding upon my incision, if that is the case it may or may not cause some delivery complications. But really other then that baby is well and so am I. This has definitely been a far different experience then any pregnancy preceding this, but for that even i am grateful. I am nearly at a stage of greater concern and so work will soon be winding down and so will i. in order to get us both through those last few weeks. But prior to now studio stems & utah bride blog have been in full swing wedding season busy!

Maternity clothes ... my biggest dilemma as of late. I hate to invest money into that for only 10 more weeks and i have only now begun to really need them. I am generating a quiet odd shape that is not exactly pleasing to the eye or suited well to even maternity clothes. My fetal surgery incisions definitively play a part in my shape. my odd shape. thank goodness for my maturity and appreciation for this experience, i dont think back in the old having baby days i would have been able to deal with my odd un-attractive shape coupled with the additional pain that accompanies this all wrong baby making body. So i have scrounged through DI racks and KSL listings. only to find a few doable items. I need a suit still so i can enjoy the pool with the kids... but again short term need, sometimes big expense. I really would love a trip to honey bump in ogden, what a brilliant idea!!! why hasnt anyone generated the idea here down in utah county, isnt this baby making capital of the world?

I have been reading still when i can, love the escape. Emma & Me, as well as Bitter in the Mouth have both come and gone from my nightstand. Emma & I is one of those seemingly simplistic novels, but hits you at the end and makes you suddenly see the intricacies of the simple writing. Its haunting to say the very least a 6th sense type of deal. And Bitter in the Mouth was an interesting novel about a woman and how she deals with her identity through her ability to taste words.

onto the girls ...


they are growing up so fast and turning into amazing beautiful young ladies. I can hardly stand it!

My miss storie went to camp big springs for a week. yes i let go and cut the rope just a little more. It was super hard for me but super fun for her! She had a great time and i did ok without her. She is still on the UVrays and swimming every day. We have been so busy that she hasnt been to many meets quiet yet just a few here and there. She has acquired to attention of several boys as of late and they have begun to call the house! YIKES! sHe is such a good kid that though she likes the attention she doesnt seem as enamored with them as they are with her! A big help to me, im not sure how i would be getting through with out her. She has even been working a little for studio stems. A master at stripping roses now! We re-did the girls room recently, storie was feeling neglected and jipped by stocks newly acquired room in the "man-cave" basement. So we gave her the blue with orange accents she was dying for, including this darling retro desk we got from the school. {want one? message me they are for sale at the school for cheap $5!}



Saylor has been busy with private swim lessons. Something she has begged for but that i was very concerned about doing. I wasnt sure what her physical capabilities and expectations would be. Naturally swimming and the water is a therapeutic place for her, but she really wants to swim swim, like storie. We havent even finished half our program and she is doing far better then i expected. I am so proud of her, when she wants something she goes for it and her physical abilities continue to beat the odds! In true saylor style she wanted her side of the room done in "byu" theme. She is so loyal! Her health {knock on wood} is stable at the moment and she is doing really well. Anxious to play with friends quiet a bit but still my little buddy, home with me the most. The other day she asked me who was the most funny in our family, sometimes its her! Like yesterday when she said this to me while we were in the car driving home ...

me "saylor dont fall asleep we are almost home!" saylor "mom im not, im just blinking {pause} slowly!

I get that kind of stuff from her almost everyday. saylor-isms. so good. part of my favorite things in life.

Im excited to blog, i can think of a million things i want to share. the craftiness and thriftiness behind babies room, more books i am reading, recent studio work. baseball/wrestling ... hopefully as i wind down with the usuals to keep baby cooking ill have more time to blog. for now, thats all i wrote ...

Saylor's baptism

I cant believe my baby is 8! I have actually been thinking about this special day for a long time. With lots of joy, but also lots of pain and angst. Its gone by so fast, its hard to believe that she has come of that age. Her little life is just fleeting me by! I really seriously was quiet traumatized by the thought that our youngest child was passing through this threshhold in our lives, but our recent addition has appeased the pain a bit. Non the less the spirit surrounding this amazing girl made this THE most emotional baptism i have yet to experience or likely ever will.



Here we are, our little family MAY 7.2011



Storie & Stock were champs from the get go! They were really helpful and reverent and amazing. While planning saylors day both nate & i felt like the kids should be the speakers. They are a huge part of her life and has much as she has chosen this body they have chosen her and all the challenges it brings. I know my kids are not the norm and have amazing spirits because of what they have experiences and who they have become. I was so proud of these two on this day!




this was a spiritual day for nate! Saylor and I have done a lot together, and a lot of what we have done has been intensly spiritual and many of those experiences he really had to stand by and watch. But what he does have is the priesthood, I am so blessed and grateful for the man he is. This has allowed him some very personal, private, and spiritual moments shared between just him and saylor. In many ways this was his day too! She looks so much like him, and he looks so much like her ... they just like saylor and I are as much one as i am. This takes me back to the day he blessed her in the NICU and reminds me of how special she is to him, what she has done for him, and for us as her parents, as a couple. as ONE.

he was pretty nervous. We had talked about her legs coming up in the water, with no muscle mass and no physical control. But he forgot all caught up in the moment to put his own legs in front of hers, so they floated up! Second time into the water, he fowled up a word or two mixing a porteguese baptism with english, and so she got dunked a third time, but you know what they say ... the third time is the charm!

Saylor's confirmation {as to be expected} was pretty powerful and promising, most of her priesthood blessings are. It was so lovely to have a lot of the men that we care so deeply for there and surrounding her on this special day.



SO this is THE dress. I say THE because as you may already know i had quiet the time finding the perfect one. ABout 15 stories, and 15 hours of online shopping finally reached this perfect fashion destination. Every white dress i could find {take no offense here} was poofy and looked too princessy! no style to them at all! I just wasnt havin it! I wanted something that was befitting to saylor and to the style of our family. I actually ended up finding this darling shirt and then a dress with a black top but this amazing pleated bottom, and so a little craftiness resulted in our own little creation.




Saylor illuminated her typical glow.



there is something so special about saylor tiny feet. they are so symbollic of endless things.



This is our friend Ron Roberst. He is in our ward and is an amazing pianist. If you like Nordstroms, you likely recognize this fine fellow, he often plays there on their grand piano. There are plenty of talented muscisians in our lives, but this was important to me. It was also symbollic for our family and for our journey. Ron is blind. Yet is so independent, and incredibly talented. I couldnt resist is willingness to serve our family. Thank you RON!



this is chris, whom we have arranged for saylor to marry, and whom so politely obliges us! and also adores her! Technically he is her boyfriend if you ask her.






After the baptism we had a little brunch full of what else but amazing food! This is saylor with summer ... the inseperables. When saylor started school at rock canyon in the 1st grade saylor and summer bonded. Summer was struggling with some attachment issues and leaving home all day, but saylor eased the transition and summer carried things for saylor! They have been best buds ever since!




Two more special people. Jules and Neens, the sistas that work for studio stems, but are so much more then that. They are that special womanly connection for me. True friends and sisters in my life & therefor they love my angel. Thanks girls for all you do! Jules is prego but helped tons in the kitchen, and Neens was our own personal photographer in addition to helping more then anyone! No way the day would have gone off without the two of you!





Meet the food and a few members of the cherished Fox Family.



A few more special peeps, Janita Andersen and saylors "twin" Ireland who just got baptised about a month ago!

This truly was a beautiful and amazing day for our family full of an amazing spirit and closeness to our Heavenly father. I would like to thank all that helped with the program, especially David O - Who under stressful circumstances still made it to sing for saylor! For Both the Obrien family and the call family for all your support and help! TO all our friends who share this amazing journey with us, thank you!