a bleak early winter day

so i am blogging on nearly no sleep and wondering if you all will just indulge my sad post of pathetic complaining cause really deep down we know we are so blessed! but these last few months have just been filled with challenges of every nature it seems, i feel desperate to see the bigger picture to draw on its energy but i know its against the rules so i endure, probably not well but i endure.


this is lanette shindurling, nate's "other mother" in many ways! she contributed to the raising of my beloved mate in large quantity and means a great deal to him. She passed away on sunday at her home in midway utah. Nate is just trying to absorb and i am sure passing regrets in his head about why he didnt follow recent promptings to visit. interestingly we read in the scriptures last night with the kids about mourning those you love when they pass. thats what we will do today. mourn.

and we will do it on nearly no sleep. nate stayed out in the cold bleak winter night to work in the garage until nearly midnight. i stayed up studying and working on english until about that time as well (which mind you is stressing me to a deepness!), then to bed only to be woken by a wide awake 5 year old at 4am who refused to go back to sleep because she was haunted by thoughts of a flying elf. let me explain ...

my mom gave my kids this early gift for the holiday season. its a shelf elf. many of you may already participate in this tradition but generally its an elf, with a book that explains what he is. the one rule is you cant touch him or he will loose his "magic"! he watches the children of the house he is in during the holidays and flys home to santa in the night to report and then returns to his temporary home. he moves around the house "magically"! well we read the book and got our elf out of his magic box so now he works and we named him ... "buddy" like from the movie elf they said. anyhow she couldnt stop thinking about the elf. she wanted to see him fly cause i think she is a little spooked by him and unsure, she seems a little anxious to me. so she didnt sleep well thats for sure! so beware of this tradition if you value your sleep and have an inquisitve 5 year old.

why are finances bleak for just about everyone i know? man this economy really bites and why is it that this sort of thing depresses, dont we have each other, we do right that should be enough. i think of my friend who just found out her husbands work is closing and he will be out of a job as of the 23rd, another friend whose husband has work but in idaho and goes weeks and weeks without him, and then we know countless without jobs right now, and then there are so many in our lives including ourselfs that are struggling with serious medical challenges that all come with immense financial challenges wether its a good economy or bad but when its bad its soo compounding. ok i cant take it anymore no more complaining i should restart a gratitude post ... maybe tomorrow.