i hate the mall! is that sad?

So i cant help myself but blog about this. I guess because its a good lesson even for me, i seem to have the privileged of learning it over and over again, experiencing it from a unique perspective.

A few days ago i ran into the mall to rent storie her seasonal board and drop off ink for a refill. I very rarely go to the mall. I hate the mall, for a number of reasons but we wont go there today. I forgot to go back and get the ink when we were done. So i bet you can imagine how mad i was when i realized this, nothing worse then going BACK to the mall!

Last night after storie's meet we were all starving, and the boys were at wrestling. so i just decided we would hit the food court since it was so close to the ink shop and pick up the ink and get dinner.

Again ... I hate the mall.

When we go in public, saylor is starred at by nearly everyone. Some people are discreet. others are not. The mall is somewhere i avoid for this very reason. Disney land is super hard! But even wrestling tournaments, swim meets, trafalga, what have you, pretty much anywhere that contains a lot of public. Over the years we have been the recipients of many comments, almost all of which in my opinion have a negative connotation, but many people dont realize they do. I hate the mall for this reason.

Saylor has only just begun to become aware. She is going through an interesting time as she becomes aware of her disability and her differences. She now can understand when someone says something what they mean, we no longer can shelter her, this makes it all the more hard. That being said, it has never been my intention to shelter her and to avoid public, i want her to be a participating part of the community and society. and a positive one at that!

Last night these two, i would say mid twenties, ladies were really staring at us. Like head following us kind of watching. Then one of them said very loudly "that is so sad!"

Now before i tell you how i couldnt restrain myself, here is the lesson .... I say things dumb all the time. We all do. I could use a little more discipline in thinking before i talk! When things like this happen it really reminds me that i need to think before i talk, but that i am human and so are they. I need to be more understanding and forgiving. I do as her parent understand how things look. That she is this gorgeous little tiny girl who seems incredible and her situation does seem sad, and i suppose sometimes it is. But thats not how we see it at all. Its hard but not sad! My perspective of the blessing of saylor is so positive not negative.

I usually have the restraint to not say anything, its kind of not my personality either. But emotionally i just couldnt help myself last night. Here is my question i pose to this statement that we often hear! People say this as they pass her by on a regular basis! I hear "that is so sad" or "how sad" or things of this nature often.

Is that how you want this child to perceive herself? Would that be positive and beneficial to her in her life and self esteem, self perspective? I dare say i hope that most of us would say NO! thus why this comment is so ridiculous.

So i turned around and loudly said to her, "its actually not sad at all" she was stunned! Eyes wide! She said then "its not?" i believe for lack of anything better to say! And i said "its really not!"

I dont know if she gets it ... But i hope my inability to restrain myself last night taught her a life lesson too! it did for me! once again, for the billionth time! I know it wont be the last.

next time think about the words you utter i challenge you!