ITSA post

First there was this ... not much, but the beginnings of a miracle. 6 weeks



Then there was this at 11 weeks, a little more of a reality. Though at this point, in all honesty, i was still having days that I would forget that i was even pregnant, things would get so busy and i would get so occupied with other elements of my life that i had to catch myself. there also began to be days that brought questions about what i was doing. lots of moments of anxiety & insanity, what saves me each and every day from total and complete insanity, is the knowledge that its not my plan. that something bigger then me is handling the intricacies of such fragility.

A few weeks after this apt we had an AFP dilemma. to or not to, was the question. did it really matter? would we DO anything about any kind of abnormality?... likely not. Initially at the beginning of the pregnancy, i had little to no fears about any abnormalities. I guess i figured i could handle it. But as the pregnancy progressed i began to grow a little anxiety and ultimately determined that an AFP would at least bring some peace, so i went ahead with it. all the results were negative, a huge relief, or so one would think. As the weeks grew slower {why does pregnancy slow down life so drastically? why does it feel so long when the same amount of time not pregnant feels so short?} i grew more anxious. THE ultrasound was fast approaching and i began to have nightmares about what i might actually see. I guess psychologically this may be a tad bit normal under the circumstances but i was a little taken back by the plaguing fear of the unknown that might become me.



then the day came .... and the baby was normal in every way, he HAS a bladder! He HAS normal kicking legs and feet! his head is a normal size, shape, and anatomy. There is NO bubble on his back. His heart beats and pushes the blood the way a heart should ... i could go on and on and i say HIM.HE.HIS because ITS A BOY!



As intense as the anticipation was we decided to make this a family affair and took all the kids with us to see their baby. this is all of us in this together after all. and i couldnt be more thrilled with the experience, what a beautiful thing to share as a family. It was rather surreal to be with dr ball getting an ultrasound 8 years after saylor, with saylor with me!

so thats that for today ... just FYI ultrasound was at about 18 weeks {im about 19-20 now} i have so much to blog about, saylors baptism, mothers day, stocks new man cave, baby boy's new room, placenta craziness and it goes on and on but for now i want to keep it short, sweet, joyous, and all about ITSA .... cause ITSA BOY!