what have i been doing?

k so update on saylor first ... she is doing well today, i would expect her to be a bit happier than she is about her current state. this morning they took her off the heart and resp monitors .... a few less things. they hook them back up for vitals but that only takes 5 min. then they blocked up her mit port so she only has one drain now, one pee bag! yeah! then a little after that they decided that they should heplock her pic line because we are having a hard time getting her hungry or thirsty. we cut it in half yesterday but it didnt work so we stopped it today. we will hook it back up tonight if she doesnt have enough output to know that she is hydrated. so all the kid has connected her to the pole, the bed etc ... is the one pee bag. so i was thinking FREEDOM girl. she has been less willing to get up and go anywhere or do anything or even sit up than before. this morning we started clear liquids again. we pretty much have to force her but she is thus far ok. i worry that she will get distended again and we will have to take a step back. this morning i made her walk in her walker across the hall for a shower ... she hasnt had one in 9 days! she wasnt too happy with me. i thought she would think it felt good and was worth it. nodda. the opposite. but her color is good and we are moving forward .... i think. doc says we are shooting to go home on friday but its a tight goal. she may or may not make it, easily could go either way.

today my long time friend becky and daughter violet came bearing more toys! and a good visit. our mutual friend Valerie also came. the sweetness bought a huge baloon bouquet not knowing that latex is not alowed here and more so that its not alowed here because of kids like saylor. anyhow one mylar one that is a gigantic pig made it to the room. having some gorgeous faces to visit with was fun! it gets me through the day .. it really does. i have spent a lot of deep reflection wondering how i came to have such amazing friends! i am so so so blessed and loved. still very overwhelmed.

then nate's aunt juanita and uncle gary stopped by with a disney princess pillow and a fun visit. so nice of them, good to see family, especially this side that we have not known for too long.

ok so a lot of my friends ask me where or how i sleep or what i do. so here it is

yeah i read it. last weekend. i am going to try and keep this review short and sweet, i could go on and on i think. so first i want to say overall this is a good read, i think my expectations have been pretty high. i think many twilight fans have high expectations. i could have done without about 400 pages of this 800 page book! the beginning was good, the end was good. inbetween not so sure. the other thing that i have been contemplating a lot especially when it comes to the critisism of a lot of readers out there. this book has a target market that consists of mostly young adult readers. whatever that means. anyhow i think that lends to the writing style. and i think people forget who its written for. that being said ... i wouldnt let any of the young adults in my life read it! then there are the obsessed women ruining their own life's in the chase of this unrealistic fantasy ... for them i have not much to say ... they are lost thats for sure!

i am currently reading Eve's daughter by lynn austin. its good, but i am struggling to be entertained enough, dont think it has anything to do with the book, i struggled to get through breaking dawn ... its just hard to focus right now.

speaking of reading ... my fav material right now is

MAGS! so i brought a few, spent through them rather quickly then started raiding the various waiting rooms in this place. of course i returned my borrowed items. but then one inspired friend brought me a good big stack of slick pages! oh girl you saved me ... thanks


way to much of this! we always eat horrible in here. too much junk. i gain weight here and get bloated! lots of sitting around and eating is the one way to get out of this room for a break. anyhow i have been trying to be good but comfort food is never good for you and thats what i gravitate towards. i am looking forward to going home and getting back to a more normal diet for me and getting back into yoga ... speaking of ...

brought the yoga mat ... i havent done it as religiously as i wanted just here and there. its been hard. like i expected but it sure came in handy when i could no longer stand being curled up at the end of saylors bed and couldnt bear to wake nate off the chair bed so i rolled that thing out on this incredibly hard floor and went to sleep. not sure that it was any easier on my bod then the curl at the end of a hospital bed but it was a new hurt, a change so it was good.

and of course ...

bloggin
and whats really getting me through ....

not the show and not these people but my own! i would name them all but i cant! the list is too long!

and finally a spritual opportunity to serve.

its been a long time since a fellow SB mom has contacted me while anticipating participating in the MOMS trial. but its something that i LOVE to do. something i long to do. if i can help a mom get through the most beautiful yet difficult thing i have ever done then thats worth what i went through. so just so happens that a mom in hawaii recently diagnosed getting ready to go to UCSF needed me this week. Maelani. she found me through someone in utah who actually barely knows me but knew enough to know that i had fetal surgery who did what she could to find me so that this sista could get some comfort from the only other type of mom who would ever understand what she is feeling. thank you! thank you thank you Heavenly Father for this careful placement!