i want a drink ...

Saylor has been out of surgery since about 6pm. i have been miscombobled a bit and a lot is running through my head. through out the day there were many things that i remembered i wanted to blog about but since have been forgoten. forgive me if this does not make sense or if i leave a few details missing. dont be afraid to ask, then i at least know what its you all want to know.

first off i want to thank everyone who gave blood today in saylors honor. it means so much to us. i especially want to thank any youth in our ward for this. also thanks for the continueing good comments, prayers, and thoughts pouring in, we feel very supported and blessed.

surgery went well. no complications came about and they were able to do everything they set out to do, including her pic line. our challenge remains how saylor is handling things. she is so the unexpected and fierce in fear. she woke up very fast from the annest and they thought they had a bit more time to remove the intibation tube but saylor woke up to fast .. so she was a bit upset about that. she is in a great deal of pain and knows and feels the slightest movement even the shift of a blanket and begs for nothing to be moved. she is NPO until sunday or monday (meaning no food no liquids no nothing. IV's are supporting her.) and her doc said they usually dont even feel like anything for a few days anyway and of course first thing she said was i want a drink of apple juice. she hasnt stopped asking for something to drink and something in me says this will be a long few days if she has already started this. she still continues to be polite and say thank you to her nurses and docs even though they hurt her. We thought her NG tube would be removed and it was but a new one was inserted for different purposes which was a bit of a new tool in the box. its to suck all the stuff out of her stomach i guess, they really dont want anything getting through for the time being. she has a tube coming out of her new stoma port draining into a urine bag and on the other side another tube coming out to drain urine from another way so no chance that her bladder can do anything but heal. those will be in for many more weeks to come and will go home with us. they poked her a gazillion times in the OR to get a second IV line in, they didnt do pic line until the end of the procedure. i counted 5 additional locations since yesterday. her blood pressure has been high since we arrived, attributed to anxiety and it maintains to be high. i think that is the short jist of how things are. all her vitals are stable. she is on a morphine drip for pain. and many other meds.

i have had a few doubts this afternoon that i, that we, have the strength to get through, i feel broken for the first time in many years. i also cant help but second guess what i have gotten myself into, knowing that the decision mostly rested on my shoulders. its hard to bear that weight and not wonder what have i gotten us into. i cant help but turn to the Savior, its the only measure of strength left and reliable. i reflect on saylors desire to drink and the Saviors words to his own father to "take this cup from me."

i want a drink ...