family pic

family pic

Thursday, January 28, 2010


ok peeps i know i havent been the best blogger as of late. but i dont want to loose all y'alls interest. things have just been on the stressful side and i will be honest i am in a little bit of a slump struggling to escape. non the less nothing too crazy or intense has occured. whats interesting is i think i am good at the intense stuff, or maybe its that i am good at specific stuff, but the trials i have faced lately ... not so good at those things. but i get that, thats what i need practice with! embrace the struggle, embrace it. so hang tight with me for a happier day!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

simplicity in a time of complication

one might think that because i am a florist that i have flowers all over my house. this is usually not the case. i am too spent to do that for myself, all that creative energy goes to my clients. sometimes i do simple things. like these gorgeous ranucs in a plastic cleaned out medicine bottle. its not much. its simple, its beauty. it especially good for me when i am reflecting on the complexities of my current situations.

i mostly have been reflecting on exactly what these flowers in my house come from, my company. I feel the need to change some approaches, goals, and interactions. I have been feeling like this for a few months actually, i think WFA inspired that. recently i have found myself in a few predicaments. Fall out from a magazine publishing my work without credit and the choices i have made in handling it, have resulted in some hard stuff. I dread circumstances as sticky as this one, i always feel like its in me to stand up for what is right, to be the voice if no one else will and with that comes consequences but more then that i think i dread it cause though i feel it i am NOT good at it. i dont say and do the right things, i am not understood usually nor do i accomplish the goal in a very productive smooth manner. so then i question why i feel so compelled. why is that in me? sometimes these types of things lead to much deeper reflection on all levels and aspects of my life. i suppose its not a bad thing, but its usually a painful thing.

I acknowledge i have made some grave mistakes. including some emotionally blurred vision that resulted in me hurting a good friend and not handling my own pain in a productive manner. i wonder where i go from here? how do i LEARN the most out of my situations? i am not perfect i never will be, i expect that someday {likely very soon} i will be right back to where i am today, reflecting deeply on circumstances. and i wish i was simple. but i am not. so i must embrace who it is that i am and what that comes with, and be proud of all the great things that conclude because of all that and embrace the bad things too, take responsibility and run with it, do with it what i can. and then reflect back on how not simple these flowers are ... look at the layers? yet they are simple. they are both. i can be both. it can be simple, it can be both.

"if you are patient in one moment of anger you will escape 100 days of sorrow" chinese proverb

this has been hanging on the wall next to my computer for several weeks now. reminding me of what i am not good at ... patience when anger. i think its helping me to, and i think i am getting better at that. but i wonder what does a moment mean? a moment literally, a day, a week, a month, a year? i guess it depends on the level of anger. I also wonder if it means you let go of it whatever it is and do nothing or its just that you wait until its not anger and then do something. i suppose that too varies. i found neither to be successful. ill keep working at it.

"to be great is to be misunderstood" emerson
so i have been working hard on some humility, i think i need a good dose of it personally. but i also think i am struggling with my value to certain people, to myself maybe and so this also lifts me up a tad. i realize the complexity of my mind and my talents and my goals, desires, and my everything. isnt that great?

enough deep thought for today ... have a great loooong weekend.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

the haps

i am gonna start with saylor jae ...

she has officially started back up with wasatch adaptive sports. She had her first lesson this last wed. and as it turns out she has grown enough and finally fits in the walker adaption. she did 3 runs. 1 run more then i expected. and i thought she looked miserable, uncomfortable and unhappy but she kept telling me that is was awesome, she was warm and having a good time. so ok whatev we keep at it then. She still has a lingering cough that we cant seem to get rid of but otherwise is doing well and is healthy at the moment, knock on wood. She had a great week back at school and besides missing half a day to ski went all week! this is almost a record! She also gave a great talk in primary today about being happy all your life with an attitude of gratitude. i can think of no other example better then herself!

onto stock ..

we are in the very thick of wrestling season. and its really starting to get to me. i think i figured out i saw nate for all of about 10 min of real time during this last week. between practice and tourni's the boys arent around much. i miss them. so the stats are these, stock has taken first in every tourni except one and that was a national event that he took 6th in. then this last weekend they went to nevada for another national tourni. stock took 2nd. he done good! i guess the way they set it up is that he could be challenged for his spot, and he was and he kicked A. brought home a trophy! he is pretty pumped. he is also struggling with some sort of cold that has taken his voice. i think i have reflux under control so i am also knocking on wood with him that it is nothing gastro related. doing well otherwise, just one busy focused athletic kid.

storie ... dont have any pics today so sorry. she is doing well, took her 2nd boarding lesson this last friday and had a great day and a great time! i have yet to get myself out there. i just cant seem to find the time. my life is crazy insane it feels. she is doing great, smart little cookier, amazing helper as always. recently a boy has taken interest. i am so not ready for this. it swirls up all sort of emotions that i dont know where to place. ahhhhhhhhhh!

me ... well crazy busy. company logo got a revamp...

and there is just a lot of business stuff going on. including being published in every local mag. some of which did not accredit me. some of which i adore and offered me plate fulls of exposure ... hmmmm and a cover bouquet ..

just lots of changes and business stuff going on. need to take an english final this week and then that will be behind me, thank goodness. loving young womens .... loooooving it. needing to board desperately and just finished another huge wedding this past weekend. it brought a great date night in between set up and take down with my girls jules and neens. we met megan and carla at the bridal show and chatted and smoothed with the industry, then we went to benihana and had a fantastic meal, followed by getting our big uhaul van stuck in a snow packed icy parking lot. a nice gentlemen smoking who knows what had to help us get out! hilarious. then off to a movie 500 days of summer ... and besides some language this is a must see full of comic that made tears of laughter stream my face! then back for clean up. another successful one done. i love my girls!

nate ... well the boy is crazy busy with work (so thankful for) and wrestling (thankful but not, double edge sword, need to learn from saylor clearly) and thats pretty much it!