family pic

family pic

Monday, May 23, 2011

Saylor's baptism

I cant believe my baby is 8! I have actually been thinking about this special day for a long time. With lots of joy, but also lots of pain and angst. Its gone by so fast, its hard to believe that she has come of that age. Her little life is just fleeting me by! I really seriously was quiet traumatized by the thought that our youngest child was passing through this threshhold in our lives, but our recent addition has appeased the pain a bit. Non the less the spirit surrounding this amazing girl made this THE most emotional baptism i have yet to experience or likely ever will.

Here we are, our little family MAY 7.2011

Storie & Stock were champs from the get go! They were really helpful and reverent and amazing. While planning saylors day both nate & i felt like the kids should be the speakers. They are a huge part of her life and has much as she has chosen this body they have chosen her and all the challenges it brings. I know my kids are not the norm and have amazing spirits because of what they have experiences and who they have become. I was so proud of these two on this day!

this was a spiritual day for nate! Saylor and I have done a lot together, and a lot of what we have done has been intensly spiritual and many of those experiences he really had to stand by and watch. But what he does have is the priesthood, I am so blessed and grateful for the man he is. This has allowed him some very personal, private, and spiritual moments shared between just him and saylor. In many ways this was his day too! She looks so much like him, and he looks so much like her ... they just like saylor and I are as much one as i am. This takes me back to the day he blessed her in the NICU and reminds me of how special she is to him, what she has done for him, and for us as her parents, as a couple. as ONE.

he was pretty nervous. We had talked about her legs coming up in the water, with no muscle mass and no physical control. But he forgot all caught up in the moment to put his own legs in front of hers, so they floated up! Second time into the water, he fowled up a word or two mixing a porteguese baptism with english, and so she got dunked a third time, but you know what they say ... the third time is the charm!

Saylor's confirmation {as to be expected} was pretty powerful and promising, most of her priesthood blessings are. It was so lovely to have a lot of the men that we care so deeply for there and surrounding her on this special day.

SO this is THE dress. I say THE because as you may already know i had quiet the time finding the perfect one. ABout 15 stories, and 15 hours of online shopping finally reached this perfect fashion destination. Every white dress i could find {take no offense here} was poofy and looked too princessy! no style to them at all! I just wasnt havin it! I wanted something that was befitting to saylor and to the style of our family. I actually ended up finding this darling shirt and then a dress with a black top but this amazing pleated bottom, and so a little craftiness resulted in our own little creation.

Saylor illuminated her typical glow.

there is something so special about saylor tiny feet. they are so symbollic of endless things.

This is our friend Ron Roberst. He is in our ward and is an amazing pianist. If you like Nordstroms, you likely recognize this fine fellow, he often plays there on their grand piano. There are plenty of talented muscisians in our lives, but this was important to me. It was also symbollic for our family and for our journey. Ron is blind. Yet is so independent, and incredibly talented. I couldnt resist is willingness to serve our family. Thank you RON!

this is chris, whom we have arranged for saylor to marry, and whom so politely obliges us! and also adores her! Technically he is her boyfriend if you ask her.

After the baptism we had a little brunch full of what else but amazing food! This is saylor with summer ... the inseperables. When saylor started school at rock canyon in the 1st grade saylor and summer bonded. Summer was struggling with some attachment issues and leaving home all day, but saylor eased the transition and summer carried things for saylor! They have been best buds ever since!

Two more special people. Jules and Neens, the sistas that work for studio stems, but are so much more then that. They are that special womanly connection for me. True friends and sisters in my life & therefor they love my angel. Thanks girls for all you do! Jules is prego but helped tons in the kitchen, and Neens was our own personal photographer in addition to helping more then anyone! No way the day would have gone off without the two of you!

Meet the food and a few members of the cherished Fox Family.

A few more special peeps, Janita Andersen and saylors "twin" Ireland who just got baptised about a month ago!

This truly was a beautiful and amazing day for our family full of an amazing spirit and closeness to our Heavenly father. I would like to thank all that helped with the program, especially David O - Who under stressful circumstances still made it to sing for saylor! For Both the Obrien family and the call family for all your support and help! TO all our friends who share this amazing journey with us, thank you!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

the physicality of life inside me

No this is not me. And if you have never seen this image before, ill be surprised because its ALL over the internet. I have actually had it saved on my computer for several years now. It reminds me of the precious experience of having life move within me. There were many years that I really quiet frankly longed for this feeling again, not knowing that i would ever have the opportunity to feel it again, the memory doesnt serve it justice in the least bit. Though i have been feeling my little man for a couple weeks now, the movements have become much more prominent and frequent the last few days. It almost seems odd and perplexing to really ponder about. I dont recall having this physical feeling of growth as intensely as i have this time around. Each movement brings me a little smile, mostly internal, sometimes external. It also brings an immense gratitude and awe for my Heavenly Father. Nate reminded me last night in a blessing what a precious time this is, and how much closer to my Heavenly Father this makes me. Its a state of being to be envied and cherished, its also temporary. Holy moments, of being what i am at this moment. so profound ...

Monday, May 16, 2011

ITSA post

First there was this ... not much, but the beginnings of a miracle. 6 weeks

Then there was this at 11 weeks, a little more of a reality. Though at this point, in all honesty, i was still having days that I would forget that i was even pregnant, things would get so busy and i would get so occupied with other elements of my life that i had to catch myself. there also began to be days that brought questions about what i was doing. lots of moments of anxiety & insanity, what saves me each and every day from total and complete insanity, is the knowledge that its not my plan. that something bigger then me is handling the intricacies of such fragility.

A few weeks after this apt we had an AFP dilemma. to or not to, was the question. did it really matter? would we DO anything about any kind of abnormality?... likely not. Initially at the beginning of the pregnancy, i had little to no fears about any abnormalities. I guess i figured i could handle it. But as the pregnancy progressed i began to grow a little anxiety and ultimately determined that an AFP would at least bring some peace, so i went ahead with it. all the results were negative, a huge relief, or so one would think. As the weeks grew slower {why does pregnancy slow down life so drastically? why does it feel so long when the same amount of time not pregnant feels so short?} i grew more anxious. THE ultrasound was fast approaching and i began to have nightmares about what i might actually see. I guess psychologically this may be a tad bit normal under the circumstances but i was a little taken back by the plaguing fear of the unknown that might become me.

then the day came .... and the baby was normal in every way, he HAS a bladder! He HAS normal kicking legs and feet! his head is a normal size, shape, and anatomy. There is NO bubble on his back. His heart beats and pushes the blood the way a heart should ... i could go on and on and i say HIM.HE.HIS because ITS A BOY!

As intense as the anticipation was we decided to make this a family affair and took all the kids with us to see their baby. this is all of us in this together after all. and i couldnt be more thrilled with the experience, what a beautiful thing to share as a family. It was rather surreal to be with dr ball getting an ultrasound 8 years after saylor, with saylor with me!

so thats that for today ... just FYI ultrasound was at about 18 weeks {im about 19-20 now} i have so much to blog about, saylors baptism, mothers day, stocks new man cave, baby boy's new room, placenta craziness and it goes on and on but for now i want to keep it short, sweet, joyous, and all about ITSA .... cause ITSA BOY!