this is halloween

Halloween really speaks to me, i love the decor, the time of year, the smell in the air, the costuming, i heart it all. many of you know that my obscure mind finds tarantulas and skulls fascinating and appealing, all year round so this time of year is so fantastic with the celebration of fascinating items! In years past i have done fun crafty projects with the girls and really decor-ed up the house. this year has been a simplier turn of the leaf but my heart still gets a little twitter for it all! {that is when i can i even have time to think about something other then wrestling.football.swim team.wheelchair basketball. croup. company. hunting ... and the list goes on and on}

cedit: womans day

Just a few pieces of decor inspiration that inspire and ignite me, things i would do if i had the time of course .. the money ... oh and a larger less cracker box like house to display them all in.

credit: once wed

A little kelly Edwards/Martha touch

and last but not least a majestic, yet almost eerie blue hued table ensemble. Trendy 2010 heart color.

kids in their clever & witty costumes coming soon!

in love with a man

I am in love with this man. He has ripened to the age of 34 and its true, he does get better with age! I have been thinking a great deal these last few days about marriage, and about my feelings for nate. words hardly express these things, and even in that case there are some things just to sacred to express. There have been ups and downs, and yes days that i wondered how we would make it, days i thought i loved him less but in the end made me love him more! and love him more for loving me enough to do this with me, when i am ugly, when i am mean, when i am less then my best. for loving me enough to make this journey through the good and bad days, its a mess on occasion, but its a work of art! and i am so in love with a man!

I updated and changed my blog music playlist, and i did it with nate in mind. The song just breathe by Pearl Jam just says so eloquently from my perception how i feel sometimes! marry me by train is another i just cant get enough of. Music is so powerful in its ability to increase the depth of emotion. that being said, there is just some great music on their this time around {or always ha ha i know i am biased} some have not a thing to do with my personal relationships, just great music!

time

I frequent DI. many of you probably didnt know that. Its an obsession of mine. I am gonna start taking pics more often of my "finds" some that i buy and some that i dont. Regardless going to DI requires time. So i thought this clock purse appropriate.



another great find, this jacket, neens actually did buy this gem.

and thats all i have to say or post about that.

well spoken

I found this video on facebook. Just when i think FB is such a waist, it allows me to be exposed to things i dont have the time or other way to fall into. this video is long. but if you read my recent post on the sacred power of procreation then you will understand and know why i feel so passionate about this video, you must take the time to watch it! its astounding. its powerful and amazing. and more then that gianna is an amazing speaker! So though she doesnt know me, though she likely will never read this blog i just want to say thank you, thank you for fighting for life! for making people uncomfortable!

me

So i guess its my turn right? what have i been doing you ask? Well i have been doing all that you have already ready. I am the mom right? so all those lives are also my life! And somewhere in between all that, this is a little of what is me at the moment.

i am rocking the mini van these days! yep ... i have joined the ranks.

it was a hard thing to do ... but a necessary one. And you all can be the first, second, third and through to many hundreds who can say i told you so! I do love it!

My summer was super busy with all the kids stuff and somewhere in between i did oodles of weddings ...

just a sampling ....

I went to Santa Fe new mexico to teach a real wedding one on one workshop with tansy floral design. It was such a beautiful experience full of many blessings of revelation and spirit. Sunni has become more then a floral peer, such a dear friend. Her kids were just about as hilarious as it gets, mostly because i think both sunni & josh could be the most fun people i know {since funnest is not a word} the kids left me this note when the job was all said and done ...



soon thereafter i went on a road trip to cali. I took neens with me. We were on a mission to do Jules wedding flowers on yacht in new port. along the way we stopped at a monster gas station. no i really do mean monster gas station ...

extreme sport crazy inside!

We drove it straight and went right into LA to head to the french quarter to surprise my dad at work! it was fun, i have to admit. Its always nice to surprise someone. He knew we were coming but had planned on seeing us at his house later in the evening. After our little work visit neens and i headed over to melrose. The first thing we saw after we parked ...

from the moment we stepped onto melrose until we left neens was pure entertainment. Really anyone who visits melrose for the first time is. One of my fav places to people watch. We visited several trendy second hand stores and saw things likely never to be seen again. We also scored some cute on sale stuff here and there.

We had a long few days of production in a local elementary school lunch room! sweeet!


the best part ... my dad worked for studio stems all day! priceless experience.

Julia's wedding was soooo gorgeous and we had a delightful time. Of course there was the usual husstle and bustle of working and attending a wedding that usually results in a little bit ... or a lot of chaos! and lets not forget a bucket of water spilling all over my skirt and then neena holding it out the window down the freeway in LA to dry it off! But in the end it was an amazing day. I think the Newport T might be my new favorite. Small and quaint and the simpleness i want my celestial to be.


the way home was the best reality TV show that could have ever once aired! Just out of the city and near victorville we saw two highway patrol officers on either side of a pulled over homeless man nearly naked pushing a shopping cart. We passed it far to quickly to take a pic but it was a hard one to get over i tell ya. Then just outside of barstow we hit mounds of traffic. That ultimately cost us 6 hours of traveling time. Early that day a CHP officer was hit by a car while he was issueing a sitation and killed. so the investigation shut down all of I15 for 9 hours. We sat in traffic to get out of the mess for about 3 hours then finally made our way to our own genius detour out through the desert. This meant we came home through joshua tree. Onbe of my fav drives anyhow. But our stop at the shoe tree brought about yet another death ..

i for one was devastated!

My dad returned on the drive with us ... pretty sure he will always fly no matter what at this point. It was nice to have him with us at home for a bit.

Then i soon took off to girls camp. No pics here friends. i just aint that pretty on a good day so i wont be displaying pics on bad days! Camp was great and after years of wanting to go back i found myself immersed in some pretty serious trials that carried through the week and petitioned growth i hadnt expected. so in the end, camp was what it always has been, and what it should be. spiritual.

Sometime after that i found these ...

I am pretty much dying for a pair. Here is what i figure .. I cant walk in heels very good, and i really cant swim good either. so i think this might be the answer to the whole dilema. so now you know what to get me for xmas!

I have also read a told somewhere in the in between ...


I wont review the four of these here and now but if you want to have a book discussion with me let me know. If you cant stomach serious graphics dont read tattoo but if you can and you love a great mystery its a good read. there is also a bit of language here that i could have done without. Hunger games ... good read ... disturbing ending. is this really young adult literature? my young adults wont be reading it! but dont get me wrong, i enjoyed my reading time.

and then there is UBB. so busy there as well. We just released a new look for 2011 so we are busy with updates and changes! you can view a preview here!

ok and well though i have lots more in my full life to share i have run out of blogging time so it will have to wait a bit of time ... until then ...

life & procreation {sacred}

I taught YW today. And in fact I spoke on the same topic just a few weeks ago in another ward. Both situations took me to very different places. A testimony that the spirit guides and directs. In my final preparations this morning, the thought came to me, or rather encouraged me to share some thoughts on the blog. This is my voice in many ways, its also a tool to be a missionary of sorts, amongst other things. So I figured ... why not??? The topic & issue is weighty but is of importance to me, my opinion is passionate, there is not doubt. Its hard to not recognize that its also very spiritually connected to my own beliefs and testimony.

I was combining two lessons on "the importance of life" & "the sacred power of procreation". Of course I considered what the girls in this ward specifically needed to hear. But i had many other thoughts as well. One of the lessons touched on abortion, and also talked of a disabled individual. How much more to the heart of my home can you get?

I turned to Nate, as I often do, to contribute to my messy pile of thoughts, help me organize & construct. As it usually turns out his knowledge and perceptions were of great value. When I brought up that ugly word {abortion} he turned to his scriptures and said that abortion reminded him of this scripture.

2NE15:20 "wo unto them that call evil good, and good evil, that put darkness for light, and light for darkness, that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"

and yes there is actually an exclamation point in the actual scripture.

We talked about how far medical technology has come since the beginning of man. How its been a blessing in our lives, but is a curse to many others. Its true that these days abnormalities of all kinds can be detected in pregnancy. And in the case of spina bifida this usually results in termination. And when i say usually i am talking high stats that are documented, its kind of scattered in research but between 70-90%.

so what is it that i believe? abortion occurs {in this circumstance} out of the perceived notion or encouraged notion, that a life like saylors is cruel. That it would be evil to allow and good to spare this fetus of such a tortured life. {calling evil good, and good evil}.

But the missing element is that its not our life to take away. It wasnt ours to give either. We are just participating in the blessed gift of procreation. But we arent participating alone, nate and I. There is another element. God. This was his plan and his will for her and for us. To betray that would be to betray all that i believe. Not that i ever considered that. I didnt, though i was offered the option on a few occasions.

JOHN 9:1-3

"and as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind. Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."

She was sent here for a purpose, for which i have no right to rob those who are meant to be touched by her. How many lives would not have been changed or touched? Why do so many see this outcome as a sum of sin? Even now in modern times? knowledge? understanding? religion?

Her life is sacred, all our lives are sacred! and the right to participate in giving life is sacred! is there anything else so sacred as this?

To finish up my prep for the lesson i turned to another emotional viewing of saylors baby video to figure out a good spot to share with my girls. I intended on turning down the music to read scripture while the pictures displayed, which i indeed did end up doing. But i couldnt help reflect on how the song that was playing at the spot i selected was so intertwined with the lesson, my discussion with nate, and my own thoughts.

I picked this song out years ago ... clearly this is her baby dvd right ... it was so special and pertinent to me then. Lyrically fit to perfection. I think i even shared it at some point on the blog years ago. But i cant help but want to cut and paste those lyrics in here with a few of my own thoughts and notes to suit.

Doctors have come from distant cities just to see me ok so we went to them either way not our city!
stand over my bed disbelieving what they're seeing how many times did we hear "i dont know, this may not be able to be fixed, we havent seen this before ..."
they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation Doctors didnt really say this, but this is what she is. exactly what she is. she is HIS wonder to in turn provoke wonder that will hopefully be a seed.
and as far as they can see they can offer
no explanation science cant always explain.
newspapers ask intimate questions, want confessions this is society suggesting sin. suggesting something needs to be confessed, that we {man} caused this to occur.
reach into my head to steal the glory of my story fear overrides society's ability to believe that this is a wonder of God, the beauty of how he teaches us. Always trying to steal the glory that is His.
I believe fate smiled at destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle "know that this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted "know this child will be gifted
with love. with patience, and with faith she'll make her way" it is saylor's destiny to make her way, she has made her way. she has made it with faith, love, patience and many other Godly attributes. and so good prevails here. it shines through the theft of the story. because we used our free agency to give life.
people see me, I'm a challenge to your balance love this, balance is one of her main physical weaknesses, but spiritually it is her strength, her gift to us. how long as a society have we felt discomfort around these amazing spirits because they challenge our balance? our spiritual and intellectual balance? even i am guilty of this on some level. we all are. some more then others. but i see it, more then others. i see it in almost every strangers face that looks our way.
I'm over your heads, I confound you and astound you she is this way, but mostly to those who know her best, who know the miracles that she is constructed of. she is astounding, she has more to offer us here in this trial state then i ever will. {that the miracles of God may be manifest in her.
to know I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation

Its is my testimony that the power of procreation is a divine and sacred gift that should not be misused or unrecognized. That the gospel sheds light on what truly is evil and what is good and that we are sent here to pass through this trial with purpose. I know that the Savior lives. I leave this with you in His name.

saylor wants a pig {still}

Saylor .. where do I begin? As i have reflected on what to share about little miss and her summer adventures i am overwhelmed and cant help but think about how our lives revolve around her brightness in so many ways. There is so much to share when it comes to her, and truth be told i know thats what most of my readers want, they want a piece of her. Everyone does, she is so easy to be taken with. She consistently brings blessings that can not even be contained. inspiring in her very existence. So i am pushing myself to not feel guilty that the other kiddos posts were not as long as this one, and hoping you wont be too bored of it either!

I am gonna keep this post happy but insert here just a quick medical type update. She is doing well for the most part. She has struggled with back and head pain pretty consistently through the summer. This is indicative of several things, some of which we were anticipating. But for the time being she is stable and happy and for the most part pain free, at least for the last few weeks. There are no surgeries scheduled or planned for the immediate future. On a happy medical note we are super excited about a new wheelchair & crutches on the way! We went sporty for agility reasons and she can hardly wait!

As in previous posts, i am gonna work a little backwards. This is Saylor on her first day of 2ND grade! I feel like she is changing so rapidly, getting taller and bigger and just looks older through her face. That being said she really isnt big. Today while i was in her class volunteering i realized the gap has become wider. The kids her age are drastically taller then her, rather then just taller then her. Top of her head height is about their pits!

She got a hand tattoo also! but she was proud to wear it on her little hand!




School thus far has been good this year. Great teacher, good friends. She could be the most popular kid in the whole skool! The last few weeks every time i drop them off or pick them up or walk through the skool kids of all ages say Hi to her. it sounds like this ... hi saylor, hi saylor, hi saylor, hi saylor and her mom, hi saylor, hi saylor. pretty non stop. I am kind of interested in the idea behind how many older kids know and adore her.

During SEP with stocks new teacher i was explaining to her his involvement in her daily care at school and to please accommodate these needs. She asked me which class saylor was in, and i explained she is that little girl walking around with the blue crutches, and stocks teachers blurts out "are you talking about saylor?!!" i hadnt yet mentioned her name obviously, this is a 4th grade teacher mind you, that we have really have had no family interaction with. She then gushed about how much she adores her and how she brightens up the halls and her life. Even though they really have never talked. Ok then ... she is the most popular thing in the entire skool ... staff included! So skool is great. and i think this will be a welcome blessing in those hard moments when she realizes that she is indeed different.

Those moments are starting to grace our lives, like this one ....



We went bowling this summer with some friends. This is saylor bowling backwards. Pretty comical. This was a hard day for her, that turned into a hard week, hard month and more self awareness. Started a little tail spin i hadnt anticipated, but i do realize these moments, they are bound to happen. Its how we handle them that will make the difference. She was devastated that her body would not bowl like stories, that she couldnt skip to the lane and then gracefully throw the ball. and she knew inside that no matter what it would never be this way for her. Hard times .... Holy places too! (thanks Kris, for tagging these moments for me)

that being said there has been no shortage of adaptive sports in her life. In fact her life has suddenly been packed with opportunities! like ..

special needs rodeo!





my friend jamie saw this on the news and passed the info along, otherwise our lives wouldnt have been blessed with this summer highlight for the whole fam. so thanks jamie, we are glad your in our lives to bless us also! I really came to realize this summer, or rather i already knew but just had a moment of more intense reflection, that there are so many good people out there, doing good selfless things for other people! This rodeo was so well organized and soooo much fun! All the local law enforcement came and each participant got a little buddy! I felt so bad for saylors UHP officer, hobbling around on his fractured foot! But just like everyone he was smitten with her and insisted on being fully responsible for her throughout the day. She got to ride a mechanical bull, love this shot though its not too clear, i was a ways away, she is even putting up her arm! she got to ride horses, a familiar activity, pet all sorts of animals, learn to rope a steer, and many other things! we had a blast. That evening we also attended the real rodeo where saylor came in with the royalty in the back of a truck. It was a great time had by all and the best rodeo i have ever been too! We all were just giddy with happiness. Storie and stock participated in the calf chase and stock nearly scored himself a $50 butt tag.

and then there is tennis

through saylors PT at pcmc we recently became involved in a wheelchair tennis program at liberty park in slc. I was hesitant, worried that it would be too difficult. really think about it, much more complex then able bodied tennis. so such to move all at the same time! But in true O'Brien spirit she took to it! She was attentive and focused with far more endurance then the other kids her age. Full effort forward and she got better and better as the weeks went by. It didnt take long for her coach (ammmmmazing man!) to see the natural athletic fire burning from inside her genes!

so we then naturally started ...



wheelchair basketball. Same coach, different facility. More fun! Its a little brutal, even with these little kids. Lots of chair tipping, and crashing and ball smacking into faces. Several kids couldnt hack it. But not my saylor. She played for 2 hours! Storie, stock, & nate all got in a chair too. It was a hoot to watch and so much fun for the entire family. I think it was really moving to have us be like her for a change.

and YET ANOTHER SUMMER HIGHLIGHT! {bear with me here}




Thursday Hero reunion. Saylor Loves the cougs! She was beaming ear to ear! it was fun to be with and see the other hero's to and get to know there story a little. Food was great, company was great and saylor felt part of the team! Really emotional for me as a mother to see once again a couple hundred grown men dote on my baby. We spent a lot of time with coach weber, love that teddy bear. And our new home teacher who is also on the team, landon. Nate had a good long chat with Brian Logan. In fact i was kind of embarrassed, there were all these kids who wanted to get his autograph and talk to him but brian nate just ignored them and bantered on like they were bro's or something. they really connected and i must admit i was really impressed with the head this kid had on his shoulder. Which by the way is a tad shorter then nate .. here is the proof!


and then there were the PIGS!


She STILL has a pretty healthy obsession with pigs. While at a family reunion she fell in love with this cute little black baby pot belly pig. It belongs to the boyfriend of one of nate's second cousins. She didnt leave its presence much the entire evening. Good thing the boyfriend was as smitten with saylor as she was with the pig!

I thought it might be fun to take her to a friend of ours pig farm. These are BIG pigs though. But babies are born often. So she got to hold one ... they squeal really loud so this is her following suit and holding the pigs mouth shut. This one was so darling, it was a gorgeous tangerine color. and they were just so cute!

Unfortunately i just dont see how we could ever have a pig. unless of course they could function like a disability dog .... hmmmmm.


and as if this werent enough she also spent the day at snowbird with W.A.S.

It was kind of a last minute deal, but we were invited up for a day of fun in the summer sun at snowbird. We panned for gold, rode a disability trike, spent some time going up peruvian and through the tunnel and back. Went fishing in brighams pond and had lunch. Only one other WAS participant was up there and he was more or less training for a cycle race, rather then playing with us. This was a highly emotional day for me. I felt it in the morning. I felt it all day. And it made sense when one of the summers biggest blessings for me came to fruition. There was Brighams family. A little boy who used to participate with WAS, a little boy held hostage by his body, a little boy free now. His parents and siblings were up at snowbird, enjoying Brighams favorite place and his memory. I was so touched by this family, even their quiet being and spirit was humble yet powerful. I felt instantly connected with Julie, brighams mom. And yearned to know them better. the coming weeks blossomed a friendship i will always be so grateful for.

Without saylor these experiences just wouldnt be. I still dont always understand why i received these blessings, such a continuous flow. I feel so undeserving post of the time. But i am astounded by what it gives me. She is my reminder of who i am, who i want to be, and whats important in life. She is the light of our Savior shining brightly in my home, in my heart, in my life. Saylor is in us.