i hate the mall! is that sad?

So i cant help myself but blog about this. I guess because its a good lesson even for me, i seem to have the privileged of learning it over and over again, experiencing it from a unique perspective.

A few days ago i ran into the mall to rent storie her seasonal board and drop off ink for a refill. I very rarely go to the mall. I hate the mall, for a number of reasons but we wont go there today. I forgot to go back and get the ink when we were done. So i bet you can imagine how mad i was when i realized this, nothing worse then going BACK to the mall!

Last night after storie's meet we were all starving, and the boys were at wrestling. so i just decided we would hit the food court since it was so close to the ink shop and pick up the ink and get dinner.

Again ... I hate the mall.

When we go in public, saylor is starred at by nearly everyone. Some people are discreet. others are not. The mall is somewhere i avoid for this very reason. Disney land is super hard! But even wrestling tournaments, swim meets, trafalga, what have you, pretty much anywhere that contains a lot of public. Over the years we have been the recipients of many comments, almost all of which in my opinion have a negative connotation, but many people dont realize they do. I hate the mall for this reason.

Saylor has only just begun to become aware. She is going through an interesting time as she becomes aware of her disability and her differences. She now can understand when someone says something what they mean, we no longer can shelter her, this makes it all the more hard. That being said, it has never been my intention to shelter her and to avoid public, i want her to be a participating part of the community and society. and a positive one at that!

Last night these two, i would say mid twenties, ladies were really staring at us. Like head following us kind of watching. Then one of them said very loudly "that is so sad!"

Now before i tell you how i couldnt restrain myself, here is the lesson .... I say things dumb all the time. We all do. I could use a little more discipline in thinking before i talk! When things like this happen it really reminds me that i need to think before i talk, but that i am human and so are they. I need to be more understanding and forgiving. I do as her parent understand how things look. That she is this gorgeous little tiny girl who seems incredible and her situation does seem sad, and i suppose sometimes it is. But thats not how we see it at all. Its hard but not sad! My perspective of the blessing of saylor is so positive not negative.

I usually have the restraint to not say anything, its kind of not my personality either. But emotionally i just couldnt help myself last night. Here is my question i pose to this statement that we often hear! People say this as they pass her by on a regular basis! I hear "that is so sad" or "how sad" or things of this nature often.

Is that how you want this child to perceive herself? Would that be positive and beneficial to her in her life and self esteem, self perspective? I dare say i hope that most of us would say NO! thus why this comment is so ridiculous.

So i turned around and loudly said to her, "its actually not sad at all" she was stunned! Eyes wide! She said then "its not?" i believe for lack of anything better to say! And i said "its really not!"

I dont know if she gets it ... But i hope my inability to restrain myself last night taught her a life lesson too! it did for me! once again, for the billionth time! I know it wont be the last.

next time think about the words you utter i challenge you!

halloween 2010

Halloween has come and gone. And i am kind of sad. Just realizing the kiddos are growing up fast and only so many halloweens where i dress them up and get to take them trick or treating remain. Plus it down poured {for those of you who didnt notice or dont live in utah!} so it ruined a lot of the fun. Stock was a party pooper and really wouldnt dress up, i had all sorts of great easy ideas for him, non of which he would concur. so i let him be. He put on his football pads and game day duds, not really dressing up for the little lad. and he didnt want to be in a single pick, and he wanted to trick or treat with his friends and hang with them not us ... and so you see in some cases the time has in deed fleeted me by.

The girls on the other hand, let me have some fun! storie came up with the idea of being "a storie book" on her own. I just used some crafty imagination and skills to create an easy simple costume for her. and saylor, we fought back and forth about many ideas, she finally settled on "tickled pink" and i let her, cause it was exhausting. and in the end ... she was a doll as usual!

I had to help with a YW activity so sweet neen's actually got saylor started while the two older's were out with friends! thanks neena, your a gem!

this is halloween

Halloween really speaks to me, i love the decor, the time of year, the smell in the air, the costuming, i heart it all. many of you know that my obscure mind finds tarantulas and skulls fascinating and appealing, all year round so this time of year is so fantastic with the celebration of fascinating items! In years past i have done fun crafty projects with the girls and really decor-ed up the house. this year has been a simplier turn of the leaf but my heart still gets a little twitter for it all! {that is when i can i even have time to think about something other then wrestling.football.swim team.wheelchair basketball. croup. company. hunting ... and the list goes on and on}

cedit: womans day

Just a few pieces of decor inspiration that inspire and ignite me, things i would do if i had the time of course .. the money ... oh and a larger less cracker box like house to display them all in.

credit: once wed

A little kelly Edwards/Martha touch

and last but not least a majestic, yet almost eerie blue hued table ensemble. Trendy 2010 heart color.

kids in their clever & witty costumes coming soon!

in love with a man

I am in love with this man. He has ripened to the age of 34 and its true, he does get better with age! I have been thinking a great deal these last few days about marriage, and about my feelings for nate. words hardly express these things, and even in that case there are some things just to sacred to express. There have been ups and downs, and yes days that i wondered how we would make it, days i thought i loved him less but in the end made me love him more! and love him more for loving me enough to do this with me, when i am ugly, when i am mean, when i am less then my best. for loving me enough to make this journey through the good and bad days, its a mess on occasion, but its a work of art! and i am so in love with a man!

I updated and changed my blog music playlist, and i did it with nate in mind. The song just breathe by Pearl Jam just says so eloquently from my perception how i feel sometimes! marry me by train is another i just cant get enough of. Music is so powerful in its ability to increase the depth of emotion. that being said, there is just some great music on their this time around {or always ha ha i know i am biased} some have not a thing to do with my personal relationships, just great music!

time

I frequent DI. many of you probably didnt know that. Its an obsession of mine. I am gonna start taking pics more often of my "finds" some that i buy and some that i dont. Regardless going to DI requires time. So i thought this clock purse appropriate.



another great find, this jacket, neens actually did buy this gem.

and thats all i have to say or post about that.

well spoken

I found this video on facebook. Just when i think FB is such a waist, it allows me to be exposed to things i dont have the time or other way to fall into. this video is long. but if you read my recent post on the sacred power of procreation then you will understand and know why i feel so passionate about this video, you must take the time to watch it! its astounding. its powerful and amazing. and more then that gianna is an amazing speaker! So though she doesnt know me, though she likely will never read this blog i just want to say thank you, thank you for fighting for life! for making people uncomfortable!

me

So i guess its my turn right? what have i been doing you ask? Well i have been doing all that you have already ready. I am the mom right? so all those lives are also my life! And somewhere in between all that, this is a little of what is me at the moment.

i am rocking the mini van these days! yep ... i have joined the ranks.

it was a hard thing to do ... but a necessary one. And you all can be the first, second, third and through to many hundreds who can say i told you so! I do love it!

My summer was super busy with all the kids stuff and somewhere in between i did oodles of weddings ...

just a sampling ....

I went to Santa Fe new mexico to teach a real wedding one on one workshop with tansy floral design. It was such a beautiful experience full of many blessings of revelation and spirit. Sunni has become more then a floral peer, such a dear friend. Her kids were just about as hilarious as it gets, mostly because i think both sunni & josh could be the most fun people i know {since funnest is not a word} the kids left me this note when the job was all said and done ...



soon thereafter i went on a road trip to cali. I took neens with me. We were on a mission to do Jules wedding flowers on yacht in new port. along the way we stopped at a monster gas station. no i really do mean monster gas station ...

extreme sport crazy inside!

We drove it straight and went right into LA to head to the french quarter to surprise my dad at work! it was fun, i have to admit. Its always nice to surprise someone. He knew we were coming but had planned on seeing us at his house later in the evening. After our little work visit neens and i headed over to melrose. The first thing we saw after we parked ...

from the moment we stepped onto melrose until we left neens was pure entertainment. Really anyone who visits melrose for the first time is. One of my fav places to people watch. We visited several trendy second hand stores and saw things likely never to be seen again. We also scored some cute on sale stuff here and there.

We had a long few days of production in a local elementary school lunch room! sweeet!


the best part ... my dad worked for studio stems all day! priceless experience.

Julia's wedding was soooo gorgeous and we had a delightful time. Of course there was the usual husstle and bustle of working and attending a wedding that usually results in a little bit ... or a lot of chaos! and lets not forget a bucket of water spilling all over my skirt and then neena holding it out the window down the freeway in LA to dry it off! But in the end it was an amazing day. I think the Newport T might be my new favorite. Small and quaint and the simpleness i want my celestial to be.


the way home was the best reality TV show that could have ever once aired! Just out of the city and near victorville we saw two highway patrol officers on either side of a pulled over homeless man nearly naked pushing a shopping cart. We passed it far to quickly to take a pic but it was a hard one to get over i tell ya. Then just outside of barstow we hit mounds of traffic. That ultimately cost us 6 hours of traveling time. Early that day a CHP officer was hit by a car while he was issueing a sitation and killed. so the investigation shut down all of I15 for 9 hours. We sat in traffic to get out of the mess for about 3 hours then finally made our way to our own genius detour out through the desert. This meant we came home through joshua tree. Onbe of my fav drives anyhow. But our stop at the shoe tree brought about yet another death ..

i for one was devastated!

My dad returned on the drive with us ... pretty sure he will always fly no matter what at this point. It was nice to have him with us at home for a bit.

Then i soon took off to girls camp. No pics here friends. i just aint that pretty on a good day so i wont be displaying pics on bad days! Camp was great and after years of wanting to go back i found myself immersed in some pretty serious trials that carried through the week and petitioned growth i hadnt expected. so in the end, camp was what it always has been, and what it should be. spiritual.

Sometime after that i found these ...

I am pretty much dying for a pair. Here is what i figure .. I cant walk in heels very good, and i really cant swim good either. so i think this might be the answer to the whole dilema. so now you know what to get me for xmas!

I have also read a told somewhere in the in between ...


I wont review the four of these here and now but if you want to have a book discussion with me let me know. If you cant stomach serious graphics dont read tattoo but if you can and you love a great mystery its a good read. there is also a bit of language here that i could have done without. Hunger games ... good read ... disturbing ending. is this really young adult literature? my young adults wont be reading it! but dont get me wrong, i enjoyed my reading time.

and then there is UBB. so busy there as well. We just released a new look for 2011 so we are busy with updates and changes! you can view a preview here!

ok and well though i have lots more in my full life to share i have run out of blogging time so it will have to wait a bit of time ... until then ...