hard times & holy places

this week has been full of hard times & holy places. most of which i am not ready to talk about.

but i will share that i have been reminded by many how the sharing of my testimony is so important. and specifically by a few who i wouldnt expect that from. i have had an intensely spiritual week. early on in the week i spent a good amount of time reading the words of kris belcher. and i decided to email her and contribute to her fantastic blog. my writings are of hard times & just one of the many holy places associated with saylor. read it here. such an honor to be posted on such an inspiring blog. thank you kris for letting me share too.

insurance update ... for the first time in all of our utah SB life saylor is on disability medicaid. the experience itself was nothing short of a miracle and was very clearly places and moved by the Lord in an extreme time of need. i feel so much better about our situation now. and a lot more secure. now to just work our ins on the rest of us :) it seems to be coming into place.

i want my family & friends to know i do see the hand of the Lord in my life, i see it everyday. that the church is in deed true. and i also want them to know how grateful i am for their love & support. they are tools in the Lord's hands because i for sure could not be who i am without you or do what i do without you.

a birthday.a mothers day. a few books . a turkey. an explanation of some kind

a birthday ...

so saylor turned 7. she had a great day and a great little family/close friend party. two of her SB friends came among many others ... josh and ireland and they had so much fun! its fun for her to be with those that she really can relate too! saylor has been wanting a bike for some time now, the wiggle car was just not quiet good enough anymore. while we were in reno for a wrestling tournament in april we went to this gigantic sporting goods store where she found herself this bike and started cruising the aisles. a clear winner! i wanted to get it right then and there ... who wouldnt for saylor? but it really wasnt feasible with logistics and all. thankfully the red laser on my iphone not only saved us the hassle of getting it home, but some money too! so i ordered it online. this thing is made for toddlers ... (gives you an idea of her realistic size) though i dont think it will fit much longer ... she is as happy as a lark these days in her bike! she is busy growing sea monkey's and playing with her new toys. still doing fairly well and hanging in there with her health ... its a good thing to because if i didnt feel like this was the healthiest she has ever been i would be really down right now ... more on that later. she hasnt been fishing yet, though thats really all she said she wanted ... you see that week it was too rainy and her dad has since been a little too busy. but she has had lots of fun playing on her new baseball miracle league team and flying kites as well as going to the zoo with angel hands! and thats the jist ...

mothers day ... comical & yummy
nate actually figured it out this year. it was so nice! of course he spoiled it by telling me a few days before and here the kids were keeping the secret so well and he was the one to ruin it. he went out of his way to get a waffle recipe that he knew i loved and the ingredients along with a high end state of the art waffle maker. breakfast was sooo good.

the kids adorned me with many homemade gifts that were priceless and a few notes that made me well up in laughter tears.

stock gave me a paper from school called "my marvelous mom" and then he proceeded to tell me in this paper

if my mom were a flower she would be a "tuliP' loved this one, some of my fav's but i only like them end stage, thats when they are most beautiful i can only hope that i will become more beautiful as i age and the most gorgeous at the end!


if my mom were a song she would be "snails" if you havent heard this song you should. my kids love this song and so do i. i dont know if it applies to me in my life though its good guidance and it brings us all together as we sing it. the one line in it i love says "they see the beauty in every inch" referring to the snail of course. i think we all need a slow down and to see the beauty in every inch of life.

if my mom were a super hero she would be "wonder woman because she can fly high" ok whatever bud

if my mom were a candy she would be "hershey's because she is strong" hmmm ok. glad he see's me as strong but still not getting the correlation here.

if my mom were a car she would be "a scion because she is cute" and that is what i drive so i am guessing that its more or less just blink here.

if my mom were a color she would be "yellow because she is happy a lot" i dont always think of myself that way .. so i am glad i am coming across that way at least to some degree.

if my mom were an animal she would be a ...

white tiger?

then there was the church fill in the blank mom gift in which all of my kids said consistent things. so clearly they must be right ... right? they all said i was good at cleaning ... or rather they are recognizing things have to be clean or i go nuts. they also all said that my favorite meal is spagheti and actually its far from, not sure i even like it much but i do realize i make it a lot because its easy, cheap, and everyone here at this house generally will eat it ... so i guess in some regards it is my fav. and last but not least when asked what i like to do with their dad they all replied snuggle. i suppose i am glad they know i want to be with him, that i want to feel and show our love and that there is affection going on in this house.

lately i have been reading ...

my mom recently loaned me this good read. i can always count on her for recommendations. i hadnt been doing much reading so this was a nice return. this raw book filled with emotion is also just a fantastic read. one that will make you think about your behavior your actions and how you feel about the sins of americas past.

then a friend gave me this ..

keeping me in my holy places, remembering where they are and who i am and how to continue to have them through all my trials, to embrace the amazing-ness of such a blessing to have a life with a few extra challenges. this woman is brilliant and funny, uplifting and real about it all. you can also read her inspiring blog at www.hardtimesandholyplaces.blogspot.com thanks ang!

and now i am reading a mothers day gift that is quiet comical and i can relate to almost every word!

if your a working mom or even just a mom this book is hilarious. its so nice to relate and have someone well word your thoughts! its making me smile! thanks mike.

a turkey

i was pretty frustrated with the idea of nate taking yet more time out of my needs to go turkey hunting. i was wondering how on earth he was going to fit this into his very demanding schedule. he left early morning friday and came home with this tom before 7am. cant decide if this was my blessing or his! but i for sure feel blessed that was over with so easily. had tom for dinner for mothers day and he pleasantly tasted like chicken rather then turkey!

an explanation ...
i have been rather absentee from updating you and i am not sure how much i am willing to say. so ill just let you have what i am comfortable with. i havent been feeling it. of course i feel like there is never enough time in the day and i am quickly encroaching my busy busy time with studio stems so this creates a demanding time where time is at its premium, then of course my UBB partner meg had her baby so i have taken that over entirely for a period of time. but when it comes down to it i am still feeling private and less eloquent. this few months has been an intense time of prayer and personal revelation and exploration. last week i had the opp to go womens conference and this yielded some answers and some direction. it feels good to have a plan but i also feel like i am jumping off a cliff into the darkness and that i may be a little insane ... and yet still i think i must jump. in the meantime of all this spiritual emotional personal stuff i am dealing with i am working nearly full time (it feels) on resolving insurance tragedy and chaos. nothing like a family like ours without insurance to THROW you over the edge. and life goes on ... it goes on and on and on.

celebrating life

this is UCSF the hospital i lived in for the better part of the 2003 year. this has been on my mind because you see this ...


was born yesterday 7 years ago on april 28 2003. yes my baby saylor is 7! i can hardly believe, well in fact i dont want to believe it! this time of year gets me so nostalgic, reflecting on what we went through and the things we continue to go through. its a time of reflection and honestly immense gratitude for this amazing experience in my life. my life, our lives really revolve around this little angel in our home. I and therefor we would not be who we are individually or as a family without the circumstances that all this represents. often people ask me how we do this ... and you know what i wish that everyone could do this. i realize that its not true that everyone really can do it, but i wish this on everyone i care about. strange i know, but this is a beautiful life that brings blessings abound that are simply not experienced in any other way. truth be told you all are missing out!!! thats the simplicity of it all.

i do wonder why me? and not in the way you think, i am up for the challenge i can see the importance that it plays in my life, but am i up for the priviledge, responsibility and trust? its hard to not question how i became the chosen recepient to mother a spirit that is not containable and is immortal, larger then life here on earth, something seeeeeeringly special? i really do wonder, i dont feel good enough and though i used to question by adequacy i have learned that HE makes me adequate. but i will never know why me ...

saylor is happy and healthy and doing fantastic. we were able to get her a bike that she can actually ride! its tear jerking to watch it makes me so happy to see her do something "normal" in the realm of her "abnormal" life that she is becoming increasingly aware of. {pictures to come}

this day brought about a lot of emotion as we also attended the funeral of a young boy who was also disabled. he RUNS pain free now. but it really brings home the frailty of a bright star and how easily that could have been my baby. a life celebrated and shared for such a short time. amazing parents, amazing family, amazing blessings. and with it comes amazing heartache. i hope the petersons know they are in our prayers and that they made us that much more aware of how blessed we are! we love our kids a little more today if thats even possible.

saylor the olympain part deux!

i know i know you all have been anxiously waiting for this follow up post on the steve young ski classic. and here it is. i finally got around to it. i just wanted to ride the high wave we were on until it fizzled. just enjoy it you know ... usually for me that means sharing it but some parts i just wanted to keep to myself for a bit.

so our private invite came from mark fox @ twin labs who so graciously donated 2 seats to our family at his table. so we had to decide who would go. i kind of knew all along i would end up going, i could feel it in my bones, like when people asked if were going even before i knew we were it seemed wrong to say no. but of course i did say no at the time. so nate and i talked it over and he said he thought i should go, and i felt really guilty that more often then not i get all the parent glory being the mom and all so i said well ask saylor let her decide. and truth be told if its something fun i would expect her to pick him. but she picked me this time. and it felt so right to everyone. although i was a little torn that we wouldnt all be experiencing this together.

later while getting ready i have this overwhelming feeling that i should be prepared to say something in front of all these people, which i quickly excuse as nonsense ... but then i know better dont i?

saylor & arrive at snowbird that evening and she is all smiles, still on huge high from the day. i keep thinking she must be exhausted but somehow she is not. we start mingling and checking out the silent auction. she is most definately one of only a few kids there and the smallest by far so she gets overwhelmed walking around. there is celebrity athletes all around us. we run into this guy and i am so emberassed to say i dont know who he is but i know he won a gold medal in the vancouver games ... so he lets saylor wear it!

super heavy, super cool!

we continue to mingle and finally we get to go sit at our table. i feel so silly and kind of nervous, out of place. we had bidding numbers (everyone did) and i have this small kid with me this small miracle, this small celebrity. people are just gravitating to her, i am so overwhelmed and she is just eating it up and people are just adoring her right and left.

we take a seat and no sooner do i that one of the directors of the program comes up to me and asks if i will speak ... yep. knew that was coming. a few min later barbara young comes over and tells me how she is supposed to speak and how she has been thinking about what to say and how to say it and how glad she is i am here because she wants to follow the winter games theme of paying hommage to the moms. so she says i want me to speak. ok. well i knew it was coming so i gladly oblige and feel all those butterflies start to flutter but then it all gets peaceful and i feel fine.

people start to arrive at our table and saylor starts making friends as usual. she met this great guy garry pay a former BYU football player and a VP at twin labs. she wont leave him alone and he seems to be happy to revert his age back and accomodate her playfullness.

people are just coming to our table right and left to talk to saylor and meet her. videos are playing of saylor and some of the other participants and hers are by far the cutest most touching ... well i am a bit bias, but really we know her right, we know what she eminates!

so then the time comes. barbara gets up and eloquently shares that she doesnt know what its like to be the mother of a special olympain and asks us to come up. saylor gets up on a stool next to me at the podium and promptly but discreetly asks me please do not cry, i promise her i will do my best to hold it in.

but just as i start to speak i of course start to cry. saylor reaches out and starts rubbing my back and the entire audience of i dont know 700 or peeps or sighs at the same time. and we both giggle. i share a brief history on saylor and some in depth gratitude for wasatch adaptive sports and what they have done and continue to do for saylor and how we couldnt do this on our own physically or financially. who knows what i said, you for sure sit down after that and think what did i say? but the difference was this time around i didnt feel like an idiot. i felt like what i said was the right thing, whatever it was.

on my way down right there at the front next to the podium first table, dick bass the owner of snowbird .. the owner peeps ... the OWNER takes my hand and with tears in his eyes smiles and tells me thank you. that felt like a million bucks ... he probably doesnt know that he wears off so easy.

we continue to be swarmed. and saylor is far to distracted to eat her $300+ plate of food. but i enjoy it:) and she continues to enjoy the attention. we meet tons more athletes and just lots of people coming up to thank us for sharing our story etc. it was so nice. i felt so good. i have always believed in sharing her. but this really felt good. one olympian in particular .... couldnt stay away from saylor ..

lincoln dewitt ... just keeps coming to our table. stays a few min and goofs with saylor then goes right back to his table, only to come back a few min later again. it takes me a few times to realize that its not in passing. he is going back and forth just to interact with her ... smitten clearly. they share stories and laugh and play a little. so many smitten faces around us. she is eating it up. sharing her medal and stories. laughing. its so fabulous. even know weeks later i sound and type like a little girl retelling the story of a fantastic night.

it truly was just so fantastic! saylor & brought home autographed chad lewis books and a goodie bag which then allowed nate and i to hit snowbird for a day ... man was that the most epic boarding day of my life! it extended the high tremendously as i explored 4 feet of fresh untracked powder in mineral basin with the love of my life. bliss!!!!!!

we met lots of people who i think in the future will play a part in our story, who have meaning to add to our story and support and i am so grateful. and so our story continues ...

i would dare catch you up but arent you tired of reading about us yet? that will have to wait for another time because there really is so much other stuff going on good and bad.

that being said one more medal pic ... this is saylor wearing henry cejudo's (gold medal winning wrestler) gold medal at lunch this last weekend. we got to spend some fun times with this delightful young champ!

it was more of a boy wrestling stock thing but who says the girls cant reap the benefits?

my olympian part 1

I havent been so great about blogging, our lives have been well ... busy & sort of confusing. This weekend brought special times and clarification. I wanted to share with you what a beautiful experience we had participating in the steve young ski classic at snowbird through wasatch adaptive sports. this is merely part 1 of 2 and 2 was the best part for me but 1 was the best part for saylor!

so the steve young ski classic is sort of like a mini utah special olympics. wastach adaptive sports is the program that helps saylor ski along with many other special needs individuals both young and old. the ski classic is where celebrity athletes come and ski with the program participants in a race. saylor mostly ski's with amelia who works for WAS and you will see her in several pics, darling young lady! she competed against the ever so great chad lewis.



and she won of course!



this is saylor right before her race with chad & kyle whittingham





and some classic moments ... saylor using her crutches like poles (actually worked quiet well) and the smallest participant (saylor) with the tallest participant (mark eaton)


and then there was the GOLD medal! this was such a high for us all but especially for saylor. she kept saying things like "this is what i want to do with my life, i want to ski!" and she wore a smile all day and she has been wearing that gold medal nearly non stop since the moment she got it!

the celebs ... just to name a few ... steve young, chad lewis, kyle whittingham, rob morris, lee johnson, mark eaton, lincoln dewitt, & muffy davis along with several para-olympic female athletes that were specially inspiring and several other professional athletes.

in the evening on steve young ski classic day there is a benefit banquet auction dinner type thing (roughly $320 a plate to start with). that is for the athletes and all the peeps out there with the mooola that support this program. its the programs primary means of support and only happens once a year. our ski day ended with a private invite to attend this event and so there is more to come part deux!

gold

hall or nothing ... you must see THIS inspiring story about an olympian with spina bifida that just took gold!

saylors inner pirate has died

for the last few years {as many of you know} saylor has adorned only a single earing. Its because we made the mistake of not having them both punched at the same time, so she refused to do the other ear! years have since passed, filled with people telling her she has lost her other earing and other comments, not knowing that she only has one earing, thats it and she is pleased and happy with that. We have attempted to bribe, con, and convince her into the other ear several times with no success. As of late she has been waring a darling tink earing that she acquired from our last trip to disney. She simply would only like to wear this one tink earing, and so its been in since oct. its kind of wide ... and well it concealed the fact that her ear was infected until i discovered this was the case last friday {i know i am not the worlds greatest mom any longer} anyhow we removed the earing, but not without some tugging, the back was almost grown into the infected skin. Its not even been a week, infection is clearing but whole is grown in for the most part. So she has opted to abandon her one earing days for no earing days and thus her inner pirate has deceased.

on another note. i have cleaned out the girls closets and while saylor cant maintain a pair of pants for a day she can with shirts, skirts, sweaters, and jackets and we have some really dawling pieces that are tooooo small. strange considering that she is like barely 38 pounds and about that height to and she is nearly 7. anyhow we initially were thinking kid to kid ... but i have found out thats not such a good idea anyway ... sometimes we give them to family or friends but really as i think about those folks my heart turns away {i am sorry ... its nothing personal} i think i want these to go to a little girl whom really needs them and would really appreciate them and whom wouldnt have such brand name cute clothes otherwise. i need suggestions in finding this little girl so shoot me a comment or email if you know of one.